The Astro-Biology Connection
by rx9872
Summary: A multi-chapter story of how things transpire after Amy tells Sheldon she needs to take a step back. *Warning* This is not a FF for die-hard Shamy fans. You won't like how it turns out. :(
1. Chapter 1 - Amy

**Author's Note: *Deep breath* This is my first Big Bang Theory story and my first multi-chapter story. Please be kind and review.**

Chapter One - Amy

 _"Bye, Sheldon."_

Amy closed her laptop and let out a long, shuddering breath, barely believing she had the strength to tell him what she did. Sheldon was so upbeat when he Skyped her but she could see that he was stunned when she finished talking.

Oh, she didn't want to hurt him! She loved him so much but… over the last year or so she began to realize that her loving him was not enough. She couldn't hold up both sides of their relationship anymore. It was exhausting… and sad… and painful… and frustrating. But… they had such fun together! Playing Counterfactuals and conducting experiments on their social group, finding errors in published research, and laughing at lecturers. Or just sitting together drinking tea, talking for hours. But… when they did talk for hours, it was always about something that interested him. HIS work, HIS interests, HIS concerns. He could never be bothered to show an interest in the things that were important to her and always poo-pooed her emotional concerns as "uterus stuff". She was so proud of his intelligence and how he was leading the way in his field. She could have burst with pride when Sheldon and Leonard were honored for their joint paper. But… when her research had been published and she made the cover of "Neuron", he was more excited about how many followers he had on Twitter. She praised him for his research successes but… he constantly belittled her field of study, believing it was not worth talking about because it was just icky, squishy stuff. He was so handsome and he had been making an effort to dress nicer and more maturely on their date nights. She always complimented him and let him know how attractive she found him. But… the only time he would even notice a change in her appearance was to let her know that he didn't like it. He had been working harder at holding hands without complaining, even taking her hand spontaneously sometimes. And they had been kissing more and those things thrilled her heart. But... she had to negotiate for hand holding and kissing to be part of the Relationship Agreement and Sheldon was contractually obligated to do those things. And if she dared to express a desire for more intimate contact, he always treated her like some over-sexed pervert for even entertaining such an off-putting and ridiculous notion. Sometimes he would surprise her by doing or saying something sweet and looking at her with those beautiful blue eyes and his adorable smile, making her heart swell with love for him. But… just as suddenly, he would do something thoughtless, or even cruel, and it would just cut her to the quick. She was constantly off balance and afraid of doing or saying something that would upset him. It was exhausting.

As she had done countless times since she left his apartment on their anniversary, Amy started to cry. She mechanically went through her routine of getting ready for bed. She laid down and tried to relax but sleep eluded her as her mind kept going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. "I love him so much but I don't think I can do this anymore. What am I going to do?" she thought, as she cried herself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2 - Sheldon

_"Bye, Sheldon."_

Sheldon watched Amy log off and then slowly closed his laptop. He turned to talk to Leonard but then he remembered that Leonard wasn't there. And the one person he wanted to talk to the most when he was upset had just told him she needed some time to "re-evaluate" their situation. His Gollum figurine wasn't helpful in providing any answers. Sheldon sat at his desk for quite a while, not sure of how to proceed. He really should be getting ready for bed but he couldn't seem to move.

After a while, his phone beeped, signaling that it was his bedtime. He closed the velvet box he had been holding and returned it to its place in his desk drawer. He went about the apartment, securing the premises and turning out the lights as he did every night. The apartment was quiet and calm but his mind was anything but. Thoughts and questions rolled and tumbled over each other as he changed into his nightclothes and brushed his teeth and went to bed. Challenging? What did she mean by that? He had been doing all the things she wanted to keep her happy, or so he thought. Patient? That thought made him bristle a little. It didn't feel like patience to him. Always pushing for something and when he'd do it, continuing to push for the next thing she felt would "move their relationship forward". Always wanting more and more. That was challenging for **him.** But he had formulated a plan that he thought would make her happy while still allowing him some breathing room. He was going to use the night of their anniversary as the perfect time to ask her to marry him. He felt she would be thrilled with the sheer romance of it all. What could be more romantic than proposing on your anniversary? An engagement would make Amy happy and keep her satisfied for a while. If Leonard and Penny were any indication, he could ride that wave for a least a year or two. Actually getting married was something he wouldn't have to deal with for some time. He did love Amy and couldn't imagine his life without her. Apparently the only acceptable social contract that would guarantee that she would always be with him was a marriage contract. He had even planned on asking her to cohabitate with him (in Leonard's old room, of course) as soon as Leonard completed his move across the hall. That would ensure that Sheldon would not be alone. He did not like being alone, he never had. Even though other people bothered him to no end and he wanted to be alone in his thoughts, he was comforted by having another living soul near him, even if they didn't interact. That's why he loved the "parallel play" that he and Amy enjoyed together. She would read and he could work, not speaking for hours, but comforted by the other's presence.

She said she needed time. How long would he be denied her company? Re-evaluate their situation. What does that mean? Sheldon sat up in bed, suddenly panicked. "She wouldn't leave me, would she?" he thought. "She can't! We have the Relationship Agreement." Somehow Sheldon knew that the agreement wouldn't stop Amy if she really wanted a change. He lay back on his pillow, trying to calm his roiling mind. Suddenly, he was able to grab onto a thought. "Kohlinar… I'll use Kohlinar to get my thoughts and emotions under control." Sheldon tried to use the Vulcan meditation technique to banish the memory of the sadness in Amy's eyes when she ended their conversation. "Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. Empty your mind." After a few moments, he sighed. It wasn't working. As he lay there, staring into the darkness, he was more lonely and confused than he had ever been.


	3. Chapter 3 - Leonard & Penny Come Home

Penny and Leonard walked up the stairs to 4A talking and holding hands. They didn't get married in Vegas the night before. They both decided to give Penny a chance to process Leonard's confession and work through the emotions that went along with it. Leonard didn't want their wedding day to always be associated with such a bad memory. They had spent the night in Las Vegas talking about what they wanted from their marriage and their wedding. Both agreed that their wedding was too important to be done on a whim. They wanted this to be the most special day of their lives and to share their formal commitment to each other with all their friends and family. They did come to some solid conclusions though. Once home, they would check their work schedules and upcoming commitments and set a date within a six to eight month time frame. Then they would start the wedding planning in earnest, with all that went along with it. They were feeling very hopeful and happy, anticipating the next few months of joyful preparations.

They walked into the apartment and saw Sheldon sitting in his spot. He didn't even look up when they came in. "Hey, buddy! What's up?" Leonard greeted him cheerfully. Sheldon raised his head, revealing puffy, bloodshot eyes. He had slept fitfully and had even cried off and on through the night.

Penny and Leonard took in the scene, noting that Sheldon was still in his pajamas even though it was almost noon. They both started talking at the same time as they moved toward him.

"Hey, are you OK?" "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Penny sat down next to him and put her hand on his forehead to check for fever. "I'm not sick." Sheldon said flatly. "Then what is it?" Penny asked, her concern showing in her eyes. Sheldon took a deep breath and stared down at his hands in his lap.

"Amy," Sheldon said softly.

"What about Amy, sweetie? Is she still mad at you?"

"I don't know. I called her last night… to tell her I'd been thinking about relationships and how difficult they can be. She said she'd been thinking about them too."

Leonard got some water from the frig, opened it and put it in Sheldon's hands before taking a seat in the armchair. "What else did she say?" he asked quietly.

"She said it was… challenging… to be my girlfriend and that she needed… some time… to take a step back… and… re-evaluate our situation." Sheldon gulped and then took a drink of his water and fell silent again.

"Oh, god, Sheldon! That's awful!" Penny cried, rubbing Sheldon's shoulder. "Did she say anything else?"

"No. Just… 'Bye'. We haven't been in contact since, not even our good night and good morning texts. We had plans to go to the zoo today, but…" Sheldon trailed off and shrugged, looking down again.

Penny patted him on the shoulder one more time then got up and motioned for Leonard to join her in the kitchen. "Oh, god! This is horrible! I've got to call Amy. You stay here and try to get him dressed and get him to eat something. We don't want him going into a full-blown depression."

"OK" Leonard hugged her and said, "Let me know what you find out."

Penny knelt in front of Sheldon and said soothingly, "Sweetie, Leonard's going to fix you something to eat and you need to get dressed, OK? I'm gonna go home and call Amy. Don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right." Although she wasn't so sure it would be.

xxxxxxx

"Pick up! Pick UP!" Penny muttered, frantically pacing in front of her couch. After her third attempt to call Amy, she finally left a message. "Sheldon told us what happened. I'm worried about you. Call me, please!" She plopped down on the couch and started texting. _"Amy, please call me as soon as you can. I want to make sure you're OK."_

xxxxxxx

Amy lay on her couch, ignoring her phone. She was still in her nightgown, having barely mustered enough strength to get out of bed. She stretched her arm out and snagged her phone off the coffee table. Three missed calls from Penny. Sheldon must have told them about what she said last night. She read the text. Was she OK? Hardly. She was tired, confused, wrung-out, depressed. None of those could remotely be interpreted as OK.

Another text. _"Call me, please!"_ She just didn't have the energy to talk with Penny right now. She'd ask all sorts of questions about what happened and what this means and what she was going to do but Amy didn't have any answers to give her. She didn't even have answers to give herself. Just the same questions over and over.

Her phone beeped, alerting her to another incoming text. _"I'm really worried. I'm coming over."_ Amy reacted quickly to that. _"Please don't. I'll be alright. Just really need to be alone right now."_ She hit send and dropped the phone on her stomach as she continued to lay flat on the couch.

Beep. _"Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. I'll call you in a day or two. Promise."_ Beep. _"OK. Call me anytime if you need me. ANYTIME!" "Thanks, bestie!"_ Amy hit send and then powered off her phone. She didn't want to deal with calls or texts right now. She didn't want to deal with anything. So she pulled her afghan over her head and tried to block it all out.

 **Author's Note: It is humbling to realize that over 500 people in 41 countries have read something that I wrote. (Mind-boggling, actually!) But of those 500 people, only 5 have left reviews! Thank you so much, Stardustvixen, FOOTBALLGIRL1, bogiedevil, kelli.k, and especially bamadude [who left two!] for leaving reviews!**

 **Please, please, please (begging with big puppy dog eyes) leave a review. Good or bad, doesn't matter, I just REALLY would like to know what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Monday, Monday

After an absolutely exhausting, draining, and for the most part, sleepless, weekend, Amy had gotten dressed, driven to work, and steeled herself for another week in her lab. She greatly enjoyed the research she was currently conducting and hoped that jumping back into work would give her heart and mind a rest from the tumultuous thoughts that had taken over her brain.

It seemed to be working until lunchtime grew nearer. She and Sheldon had been eating lunch together in the cafeteria or in her lab almost every day since she started working at CalTech. She felt the familiar tingling of tears filling her eyes, when Raj and Howard walked in.

"Hey, Amy! What's shakin', bacon?" Howard quipped, coming in and leaning against her lab table.

"Only you could violate your religious dietary restrictions just by speaking," Raj declared.

"That's nothing compared to how I'm going to violate them at lunch. Double bacon cheeseburger with a side of pork rinds! Woo hoo!" Howard shouted, raising his fists in the air. He then reclined seductively against the lab table. "Which brings us to the reason for our visit. Fair Dr. Fowler, would you care to join four feisty fellows for some feasting that is sure to include fun and frivolity at yon cafeteria that passes itself off as fine dining in these hallowed halls?"

Amy smiled a bit. "No, thank you, guys. I'll really swamped today and plan to eat here in the lab."

"Are you sure?" Howard asked, standing up, resuming his normal speech. "Leonard said Sheldon's been a little down this morning and I bet lunch with his lady would perk him right up. Whaddya say?"

Amy started blinking rapidly, trying to hold back her tears, and her lip started to quiver. She quickly turned away, busying herself with something in one of her notebooks. She held her voice steady. "I'm sorry, Howard. I really can't. Maybe next time." She briefly raised her eyes to them. "Bye, guys" she said, before looking back down.

"OK. We'll leave you to it. C'mon, Raj, let's go get our pork on!" Howard said, walking towards the door.

Howard was clueless as always, but Raj sensed something off about Amy. "You go ahead, dude. I need to ask Amy a question about a, uh…. a present I'm thinking of getting for Emily."

"All right, I'll see you down there. Later, ladies!" Howard waved back at them as he walked out the door.

Raj went closer to her. "Amy, what's the matter?" he asked gently, her back still turned to him.

"Nothing," she lied, still fiddling with her notebooks.

Raj touched her shoulder and turned her to face him. He was shocked by the tears streaming down her face. Alarmed, he asked, "Amy! What is it?" He started to turn, "Do you want me to go get Shel…"

"NO!" Amy cried, grabbing Raj by the arms. She let him go and brought herself under control, wiping her eyes. "That won't be necessary."

Raj was taken aback by her outburst. "Amy, something is definitely wrong. Please talk to me," he pleaded, putting his hands on her shoulders, dipping his head down trying to get her to meet his eyes.

"It's just… relationship stuff." Amy shrugged, her eyes downcast. "I just…. Sheldon… he and I… I need…" Not able to form a coherent sentence, her lip quivering, she just bowed her head, unable to control the tears that started to roll down her cheeks again.

"Oh, you poor thing! Come here," Raj said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug.

Amy stood stiff in his embrace, her arms firmly by her sides. She knew if she surrendered to the comfort of a consoling hug that the very tenuous control she had over her emotions would shatter like glass and she would be reduced to a crying, blubbering mess.

"I'm sorry," she said, stepping away from him. "I just… really can't get into this at work."

"Sure, sure. I understand," Raj said, nodding and putting his hands in his pockets. They stood in silence for a moment then Raj snapped his fingers. "Hey, I've got an idea. Emily is working late at the hospital. Why don't I swing by your apartment after work and we can talk about what's troubling you. Maybe it would help, you know?"

Amy's initial impulse was to say no, but after thinking about it, she replied with a sigh, "Maybe it would. I appreciate your offer. Thank you, Rajesh." She gave him a watery smile.

"OK, that's settled then. I'll text you later this afternoon to see what time you want me to come over," Raj said, smiling at her. "You gonna be OK until then?"

"Yeah, I'll be OK. Thanks!" Amy said, lifting her head and settling her shoulders.

"Bye, then. Remember, I'll text you later!" Raj says, pointing at her as he backs out of the lab.

"Bye, Raj." Amy turns back to her work, thinking. She was going to refuse his offer but thought that it might be good to talk to someone. She really wasn't ready to face Penny and Bernadette yet and Raj seemed like a good compromise. She knew people teased him about being bisexual because of some of his feminine ways but she knew that he was all about the ladies, no matter how he acted sometimes. She did consider him to be bi-emotional, for lack of a better term. He had the empathy and ability to see a woman's perspective on things where most guys couldn't. Plus, he had the added bonus of being "on the inside" and could maybe give her some insight into how Sheldon acted and felt about their relationship when she wasn't around. Looking forward to getting some of this off her chest, she was able to concentrate a little better and turned back to her work.

 **Author's Note: I've discovered the secret to getting reviews... shameless begging! Thank you for the reviews and I'll ask again, "Please, may I have some more?"**


	5. Chapter 5 - Talk It Out

**Author's Note: This is an unusually long chapter but there was just no good place to split it. Hope you enjoy!**

Amy was getting ready to pack up for the day when her cell phone beeped, indicating she had an incoming text. Assuming it was Raj confirming the time for this evening, she opened her messages.

 _"Hi"_ It was from Sheldon.

Her heart rate quickened. This was their first communication of any kind since she had told him she needed time to think. She wasn't ready to talk to him but didn't want to ignore him.

 _"Hi"_ She responded.

 _"I just wanted to see how you are doing today. Are you well?"_

 _"Yes. I am well. Thank you for your inquiry."_

 _"Have you had sufficient time?"_

There it was. _"Not yet. I'm sorry."_

 _"All right. I will speak with you when you are ready. Bye. ILY – S"_

Amy's tears started again. _"ILYT –A"_ She set down her phone and lay her head on her arms and started to weep. This was SO hard.

xxxxxxx

Sheldon closed his messages and set down his phone. At least she hadn't ignored his text and she did sign off with her usual "ILYT". At least something was the same. He hadn't realized how ingrained Amy was in his minute by minute world until she was abruptly removed from it. For someone who had an overwhelming need to be in control of everything and everyone, this was incredibly difficult for him. Amy had initiated this "time-out" and she was in complete control over its duration and time frame. Sheldon sighed and stood up from his desk, put on his jacket, and slung his bag over his shoulder, getting ready to go home. It appeared he had nothing else to look forward to this evening.

xxxxxxx

Amy regained control of herself, dried her face, and set about putting her work things away for the night when the expected text from Raj came through.

 _"What time do you want me to come over?"_

Amy replied. _"I would like to request a change of venue to your place, if you don't mind. Penny and Bernadette have been trying to contact me all day and I am afraid may try to ambush me at my apartment this evening."_

 _"Sure, not a problem. Why?"_

 _"I'm just not ready to talk to them yet. Would you like me to bring take-out? A pizza or Thai food?"_ Amy offered.

 _"Not necessary. I have leftovers I can reheat, if you are OK with roast chicken and potatoes."_

 _"That sounds quite appetizing. Thank you."_

 _"Would you care for some wine with dinner?"_

 _"ABSOLUTELY!"_

 _"LOL. Would 6:30 give you enough time to get there?"_ Raj asked.

 _"Yes. See you then."_

xxxxxxx

Raj gathered his things and started out to his car. On the way home, he pondered the fact that Amy was not ready to talk to Penny and Bernadette about whatever was troubling her but was willing to talk to him. He felt quite honored that she would trust him and decided that he would put forth his best effort to be an effective listener for her and a shoulder to cry on, if need be, and a good friend.

xxxxxxx

Promptly at 6:30, Raj's doorbell rang. He went over to open the door and greet his visitor.

"Good evening, Amy!" he said, as he bowed her into the apartment. "Let me take your things for you."

"Thank you, Rajesh," she replied as she lifted her purse strap over her head and shrugged out of her jacket.

Raj hung up her things and directed her to the table. "There is wine ready for you. Let me set our places and we can eat."

Amy sat and took a long sip of wine, closed her eyes and sighed, trying to relax. "I want you to know I really appreciate this. I'm hoping I can talk to you about some things without a lot of pressure and questions."

"Now, now, there is plenty of time for that. First we will have a nice dinner, a little wine, some smooth jazz and let the cares of the day melt away," Raj said soothingly. He set their food before them, and used the remote to turn on some music.

After some innocuous small talk about their respective days, some amazingly good food (especially for leftovers), and a couple of glasses of wine, Amy was feeling much calmer and more relaxed. "That hit the spot. I do feel much better now. Thank you."

Raj took the wine and his glass and directed her toward the couch. "Let us adjourn to the living room and you can tell Dr. Raj all about it."

Amy smiled and went and settled on the couch, placing her wineglass on the coffee table. "I really don't know where to start."

"Well, I know it's something to do with you and Sheldon. Didn't you have your anniversary date night last week? Why don't you start there?" Raj bent one leg up on the couch so that he could turn to face her.

Amy drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "Well, we went out to a nice dinner and had a wonderful time. We went back to his apartment for some tea. We were sitting on the couch and started kissing."

"Oooo, that sounds nice," Raj said, smiling.

"It was. I stopped and told him I couldn't believe it'd been five years since our first date. He looked at me with those beautiful baby blues and softly said 'I know'. Then…." Amy pursed her lips and frowned.

"Then? What happened?"

"He asked me… he actually asked me, while we were KISSING, on our FIVE YEAR anniversary… 'Do you think I should watch the new Flash TV show?'"

"What?!" Raj asked, his eyebrows drawn down in confusion.

"I know!" Amy remarked, indignant. "Well, it just went downhill from there. I was angry that he was thinking about some dumb TV show and he got upset that I was not giving full weight to the… get this… 'commitment issue' he was wrestling with when deciding if he could put forth the required time to be faithful to a series throughout its entire run, regardless of the quality."

"Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon," Raj shook his head. "How can a super genius be so amazingly stupid?"

"We continued to argue and I had my fill of it and went home. On the drive home and all through the night, I kept being reminded of all the ways that he has disappointed me by not thinking of me, not putting me first, dismissing me and my feelings. It just got to be too much and I started realizing that…" Amy started to choke up a little and had to stop.

Raj scooted closer to her and rubbed her shoulder. "It's OK. Take your time."

She tried again. "I began to realize that it has been five years and Sheldon really hasn't changed. He has made strides for me and he has tried for my sake, but none of it has been because he wanted it. He is still the same self-centered, egotistical, self-absorbed man-child that he has always been." Amy had her hands clasped tightly in her lap, trying to keep some control. "I thought long and hard about us and when he Skyped me the next evening, I told him….," Some tears rolled down her face. "I told him that I needed some time… to take a step back… and re-evaluate our situation." She squeezed her eyes shut to try to hold back the tears and took a shuddering breath.

"Oh, Amy. That's huge." Raj leaned forward, deeply concerned for his friend.

Finally, the dam broke and Amy couldn't stop it any longer. She burst into tears. Pushing her glasses atop her head, and covering her face with her hands, she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Raj immediately closed the distance between them and took her in his arms. He rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair and making soothing noises, while she let it all out.

"I don't… know what… to do." She said chokingly. "I love him. But I can't… see a future with him." She continued to sob and hiccup as she poured out her fears. "How can I have a future… a home… a family… with a man… who doesn't value me… who can't… touch me? Who can't… who won't…" She melted into incomprehensible words mixed with sobs as Raj continued to console her.

Raj held her while she cried and eventually she was spent. Amy sat up, taking a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry to be such a blubbering mess. I really didn't intend to get so emotional when you invited me to talk." She tried to wipe her face with her hands and put her glasses back in place, avoiding his eyes.

Raj tipped her chin up and looked in her eyes. "Don't you worry. That's what friends are for, right? Why don't you go on to the bathroom and wash your face. There are some washcloths in the cupboard by the sink." He stood and offered her a hand up.

Amy took a deep, cleansing breath then took his hand and stood up. "Thank you again," she said, making her way towards the bathroom. She washed and dried her face, ran her fingers through her hair and re-did her hairclip, then returned to sit by Raj again.

"Whew! I didn't realize I had that all bottled up inside me. Thank you for being there for me, Rajesh. You're a good friend."

"I'm glad I could help. It's hard finding yourself at a crossroads in your relationship. I'm learning a little bit about that," Raj sighed.

Amy looked at him quizzically. "Are you having trouble with Emily?"

"No, no, not really. It's just that…" Raj trailed off into silence.

"Tell me." Amy encouraged.

"She's fantastic, really. She's sweet and sexy and fun and I love spending time with her but…"

"But?"

Raj was obviously uncomfortable putting his concerns into words but continued on. "The things that she is interested in… the things that turn her on… are just, I don't know, CREEPY!"

"Like what, for instance?"

"OK. Here's one thing. We were at Stuart's store the other day and she found this gross zombie head thing that she thought would be great to turn into a lamp for her bedside table. I mean, that's just…"

"Disturbing." Amy said with a worried look on her face.

"I know, right! She could tell I wasn't into it and was going to put it back, but I insisted on buying it for her to make her happy. I feel like I have to keep going along with things that creep me out or make me uncomfortable just to be with her."

"What kind of things?"

"When we first started going out, she wanted to watch this DVD about all sorts of gruesome, macabre things. I had tried to watch it the night before with Howard, to see what I was getting into, and I couldn't even make it through the whole thing. When I told Emily that I didn't feel comfortable watching such things, she asked if she could tell me something and not judge her."

"What did she say?"

"She said that kind of stuff turned her on." Raj looked down, a little ashamed. "And of course, being a guy and totally led around by my penis, I watched the DVD."

Amy was starting to be a little shocked by Raj's revelations about Emily. She knew she was a little dark but had no idea.

Raj sighed and continued. "But last week was the worst." He took a deep breath and then blurted out, "We had sex in a graveyard!"

"Ewww!" Amy exclaimed, stunned.

"Emily claimed that it made her feel alive. I almost ended it that night but I gave in and did it anyway. I guess Howard and Bernadette were right."

"About what?"

"I told them that I was thinking about breaking up with Emily since so many of the things she is into make me uncomfortable and they just laughed at me. They said I could never break up with a woman who was willing to have sex with me." Raj sighed, feeling defeated. "Maybe they're right. I was so lonely for so long. I don't want to be alone again."

"Rajesh, don't listen to them." Amy put her hand on his arm and looked him in the eyes. "You are stronger than you know. You have to be able to decide what you want and need from a relationship and not settle for less just because you're afraid of being alone."

Raj laid his hand over Amy's and gave her a lop-sided smile. "Sounds like good advice, huh? Maybe some that you should take yourself?"

She put her hands back on her knees. "Maybe. I know what I want. The kind of partnership and future that I want. Marriage. A home. Children. I want it with Sheldon but I don't know if it is worth trying since I would have to drag him kicking and screaming each step of the way," she said sadly.

"I want those things, too, but I can't see having them, especially not children, with Emily because she is so dark and scary." Raj leaned his head back on the sofa, drained from thinking about all this.

Amy joined him in his resigned posture, leaning her head back. "What are we going to do, Rajesh?"

"I don't know, Amy. I really don't know."


	6. Chapter 6 - Girls' Night

Amy was in her lab the next day, able to concentrate on her work a little better. She still hadn't come any closer to deciding what to do, but talking about it with Raj last night was definitely helpful. She felt she was ready to face the girls so she texted Penny.

 _"Hey, bestie! I was wondering if you and Bernadette might be up for a girls' night tonight. Give me a call when you have a minute. –A"_

Amy's phone rang just a few minutes later. It was Penny.

"Hey, girl! I'm so glad you called. I'm driving to my next client right now so I have a few minutes. How are you doing?" Penny's concern for her friend was evident in her voice.

"OK, I guess," Amy replied. "So, girls' night tonight? Do you think you both might be available?"

"Sweetie, Bernadette and I have been on 'girls' night standby', just waiting for you to call." Penny answered, laughing.

That made Amy smile, knowing her friends were thinking of her. "You guys are so sweet. Thanks!"

"So, did you want to go out or just come over to my place?" Penny asked.

"Um, could we have it at my apartment? I don't feel like going out and I'm not ready to see… I mean, I don't want to go over to Los Robles right now."

"Sure, sure. I understand." Penny agreed. "Listen, I'm pulling up to the doctor's office now so I gotta go. I'll get in touch with Bernadette and we'll handle food, booze, everything. You don't worry about a thing, OK?"

"OK. Thanks, Penny. See you later." Amy returned to her duties, looking forward to tonight.

xxxxxxx

Sheldon was in his office, absolutely miserable, unable to concentrate on anything. Having the status of his relationship with Amy up in the air was putting him completely off balance. She had said that she'd hoped he would understand her need for some time to sort things out. Sheldon sighed. "I guess I have to understand considering how I did the same thing to her last summer," he thought. Another thing that was bothering him was guilt. If when he left, she had felt even a portion of the unease that had plagued him the past few days, he had a lot to feel guilty about. "Oh, how did we even get to this point?" he thought dejectedly. Things were so much easier when they had a relationship of the mind, without all these hippy dippy feelings getting in the way and making everything so complicated. He longed for the days when they could spend hours together, just enjoying each other's intellect, challenging each other's wit, and discussing things that other people couldn't even hope to understand. Why couldn't things have stayed like before? "People say change is good, but they're WRONG!" Sheldon said angrily, opening his laptop and trying to get back to work.

xxxxxxx

Bernadette, Penny, and Amy were all sitting on her couch, with munchies and wine glasses on the coffee table in front of them.

"So that's what happened and now I'm kind of at a crossroads," Amy said, having recapped their anniversary date and her Skype call to Sheldon the next day. "I feel kind of bad for doing this. I'm almost ready to just tell him I'm sorry and go back to the status quo." She sighed and took another drink of her wine.

Bernadette put her hand on Amy's shoulder. "Amy, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel bad. If Sheldon isn't treating you properly or you don't think your relationship is where it needs to be, you have every right to take some time and figure things out."

"I know. My head is telling me that but my heart hurts for what I'm doing to Sheldon," Amy confessed.

Penny put her wine down and hesitated. "Ames, I didn't want to tell you this but I want you to have all the facts, you know?"

"What is it, Penny?" Amy asked.

"Well, the day after your anniversary, Sheldon was explaining to us what happened and that he really didn't understand what you were so upset about. He thought that since he was asking YOUR opinion about whether or not he should watch "The Flash" that showed that he was thinking of you."

"OK….," Amy said hesitatingly. "Is that all?" She was a little confused about where Penny was going with this.

"Anyway, I tried to explain to him that a woman wants her man to be concentrating on her when they are kissing. He still didn't get it and was checking his phone to see if you had answered his texts. He told me, 'It's been almost 24 hours. Amy should have realized she was wrong by now.'" Penny flinched a little, worried about Amy's reaction.

Penny was right to be worried. Amy went from sad and sorrowful to full-on, mega PISSED OFF in 1.2 seconds. She slammed her wineglass onto the table, nearly breaking the stem. "THAT! That attitude right there is what makes me so angry!" She stood up and started pacing around. "How DARE he?! How dare he assume that I am the one that is wrong? Every time, every argument, it is always MY fault. Always MY responsibility to apologize and make things smooth again for Sheldon. Well, no more!"

"Amy, calm down. You don't want to stress yourself out," Bernadette stood and guided Amy back to the couch. "Guys are putzes. That's something we all have to deal with. You just have to decide if the good stuff is worth putting up with the bad stuff."

Amy sat back down and took a deep breath, willing herself back under control. "I always back down. I always take responsibility for everything and let everything be my fault. I always acquiesce to whatever Sheldon wants. I don't know what happened because I didn't used to be this way. I used to stand up for myself." She leaned forward to get her glass and took another drink. "Penny, do you remember when Sheldon and I were just starting out and he terminated our friendship and ended up getting 25 cats?"

"25 cats?" Bernadette looked quizzically at Penny.

Penny closed her eyes and just shook her head. "I'll tell you later. Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Did Leonard ever tell you what caused the split?" Amy asked.

"No, he didn't. I always kinda wondered what happened," Penny answered.

"Well, Sheldon had invited me to Cal-Tech to see his work. I told him it was impressive, for theoretical work. He asked if I was being condescending and I told him that compared to the real-world applications of neurobiology, theoretical physics was 'cute'."

"You didn't!" Bernadette couldn't believe it.

"I absolutely did. He asked if I thought that the work of a neurobiologist like Babinski could ever rise to the level of physicists like Dirac or Clerk Maxwell. I told him that Babinski eats Dirac for breakfast and defecates Clerk Maxwell." Amy said confidently.

"Oh, my GOD! I bet Sheldon about had a brain aneurysm!" Bernadette understood what a big deal that was even though Penny didn't really get it.

"He immediately called that our relationship terminate and I agreed. I wasn't about to let someone belittle my field." Amy sighed. "Although, Sheldon does that all the time now and I let him get away with it because I love him. I feel like I've changed who I am to please him."

"But, Amy," Bernadette said. "It's not love if you have to change who you are."

"Oh! Oh, my god." Amy said suddenly, her wineglass frozen halfway to her mouth. She looked like someone had punched her in the chest.

Penny took her glass from her and set it down. "Amy, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Th...th...that's what I've been doing to Sheldon. I've been forcing him to change who he is. Since my feelings about what our relationship should be have changed, I just assumed that his would too. Slowly perhaps, but that they would eventually match my own. I've been patting myself on the back for my patience with him when I have been trying to mold him into something that he's not. Oh, my poor sweet baboo!" Amy started blinking, trying to hold back the tears that had started.

"Amy…" Bernadette prompted her, reaching for her hand.

The look on Amy's face was frightening for the two other women. It looked so sad but resolute. Amy finally spoke. "That's it. It's over. I have to let him go. For both our sakes."

There were no more words to say. Penny and Bernadette just leaned over and held their friend while she cried.


	7. Ch 7 Breaking Up is Hard to Do (pt 1)

Before she left, Amy made the girls promise not to tell Howard and Leonard anything. She didn't want to run the risk of Sheldon finding out from anyone other than her. After she went home, she spent most of the night reviewing her decision. She loved Sheldon deeply and wanted so much with him, but she could no longer live with the pain of having everything she wants from a relationship so close but constantly denied. She had no illusion that she would ever have another boyfriend but she felt it would be less painful to be single than to be in a relationship that would never be fulfilled.

Amy was also riddled with guilt over what she had been putting Sheldon through. When she said in their Skype call that she had been incredibly patient for years, he responded, "Strongly disagree. Go on." She had thought that Sheldon was being his typical short-sighted self but she realized now that he did not perceive her as being patient at all because she had been constantly pushing him to do things and behave in ways that were completely contrary to his personality.

Her heart hurt as she lay down and tried to sleep, but she really felt that this was best for both of them in the long run.

xxxxxxx

After another night of fitful sleep, Amy faced a long day in the lab. She wanted to talk to Sheldon as soon as possible but can't do that until after work. She doesn't know whether to text him or email him or call him. She wants to make arrangements as soon as possible to see him but she doesn't want him to fret and worry all day about what she is going to say. She is so tired and stressed from being sleep deprived and worried and pulled in all directions that she can hardly concentrate on her work. She's been completely in knots since their anniversary date.

Amy closed her eyes as she pushed up her glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to keep another headache at bay. She didn't notice Raj walking in the lab.

"Hi, Amy!" He says brightly.

Amy is completely startled. "Oh, JEEZ!" she exclaims, jolting upright on her lab stool. "Crap, Raj! Don't scare me like that!"

Raj is taken aback and immediately apologizes. "Oh, Amy… I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to… I just was going to…" He sheepishly holds up a small brown bag. "It's sugar cookie day in the cafeteria and I thought you might like one."

"Oh, Rajesh, that's so sweet! Thank you. I'm so sorry I snapped at you. I'm a little on edge today," Amy said with a small smile.

"That's OK," Raj walked over to her lab table and set the cookie bag down next to her. "I didn't just come to bring you cookies. I wanted to check on you. How are you doing?"

Amy sighed. "OK, I guess. I had a long talk with Penny and Bernadette last night."

Raj prompted her when she didn't continue. "And?"

"And… I've made the decision that I need to end my relationship with Sheldon."Amy thought she would cry again after saying it out loud but she just felt empty.

"Oh, Amy! I'm so sorry," Raj said, coming closer and putting his hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"No. It's not what I want," she said, standing and walking away from the table. "But I've come to the realization that what I want is not a realistic goal. I just have to come to grips with that fact."

"I understand. I realize how difficult this is for you. Have you talked to Sheldon?"

"No. I want to talk to him tonight but I haven't contacted him yet." Amy started rapidly blinking. Looks like she wasn't as devoid of tears as she had thought. Her lip started to quiver as she said, "It's just so hard. Five years… and now it's over." She turns away and tries to hide her tears.

Raj goes to her and silently pulls her into a hug. Amy wraps her arms around his waist and starts to cry. Nothing is said. He just holds her and pats her back as she weeps.

Eventually, she is all cried out. Amy steps back from his embrace and walks across the lab to get some paper towels from the dispenser. She wipes her face and cleans her glasses. As she places them back on her nose, she turns to Raj. "Thank you for being here for me, Rajesh. I don't know how I could get through this without my friends."

"Hey, that's what friend are for," he says with a smile but then turns serious. "And Amy, I want you to know that all of us are your friends. You breaking up with Sheldon will NOT change that. Don't forget it, OK?"

"Thanks, that's really means a lot." She turns back to him as she wads up the paper towels and tosses them in the trash. "I've been meaning to check on you, too. Have you made any decisions about your relationship with Emily?"

Raj puts his hands in his pockets and starts to pace a little. "I've been thinking about it a lot. This is the longest relationship I've ever been in, you know? Plus, I've NEVER broken up with a girl. That is so far off my radar, I'm not even sure how that works."

"So, ARE you breaking up with her?" Amy asks.

"I… I'm beginning to think I should. I mean, we have a good time, and we can talk, and the sex is incredible…" He stops pacing, takes his hands from his pockets, and starts rubbing his temples as he squeezes his eyes shut. "But, with her being so dark and scary, I just can't see a future with her. You know, a home… a family." He drops his hands, opens his eyes, and looks at Amy. "I must be growing up because I realize there is no point in staying in a relationship if there is no long-term potential. It wouldn't be fair to me or to her."

"Maturity sucks, huh?" Amy says with a laugh, trying to ease his tension.

Raj laughs, then looks at his watch. "Hey, I better be going. I have a lecture this afternoon. I guess we both have a tough evening ahead of us."

"Yeah, I guess we do." Amy agrees.

Raj starts to leave but tells her, "Hey, let me know how it goes, OK? Stay strong!" He gives her two thumbs up and then turns to go.

"You, too, Rajesh. Good luck!"

Raj walked out into the hallway and took out his cell. Amy sat back down on her stool and picked up her phone. They both sent out the same text.

 _"Hi. Can I see you tonight? We need to talk."_


	8. Ch 8 Breaking Up is Hard to Do (pt 2)

**AN: Thank you for following my story. I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter.**

Raj stopped before Emily's apartment door and took a deep breath. "Stay strong. You can do this," he said under his breath, bracing himself, and knocked.

Emily opened the door. "Hi," she said, stepping back to let him in.

"Hi," he replied, walking in and closing the door behind him.

They walked toward the couch and Emily began, "OK. You said we need to talk. That's never good." She sat up straight and placed her hands on her knees as she turned to face him. "What did you want to talk about?"

Raj sat down and rubbed his hands nervously over his thighs. "Ok," he started, letting out the breath he'd been holding. "I've been thinking a lot about relationships and how difficult they can be, especially when the person you are involved with has different… uh… interests than you."

"Different… interests," Emily said, stone-faced, leaning back and crossing her arms across her chest. "You would let the fact that you and I don't like exactly the same things determine whether we should be in a relationship or not?"

"No, no… not really. I mean…," Raj struggled to put his thoughts into words. "The things you are into, the gruesome, macabre things that turn you on, the fact that you are a dermatologist because you like to cut people… just minor things like that make me a little… uncomfortable."

"Raj, I thought we had a really good thing going," Emily said, softening some. "We make each other laugh. We can talk and talk." She reached over and rubbed his arm. "The sex is so hot. You are an awesome lover," she told him seductively.

"Yeah, well… I do come from the country that wrote the book on fun ways to have sex," he said, arching his eyebrows with a slightly proud look on his face. Raj shook his head and refocused on the reason he came here. "It's just… you see a rotting, severed zombie head on a stick as a good choice for a bedside lamp. You think having sex in a GRAVEYARD makes you feel alive. I just don't see someone with that mindset being the mother of my children."

"What?!" Emily jumped off the couch and looked down at him with wide eyes. "Children! Who the hell said anything about children? You are getting WAY ahead of yourself here."

"Wait, wait! Calm down. Let me explain," Raj reached up and pulled her back down to sit on the couch. He took her hands in his and looked in her eyes. "Emily, I care very deeply for you. You are the best girlfriend that I have ever had and this is the best and longest relationship I have ever been in. But… as I get older, and I guess, more mature, I am starting to think about what I want from my life. I want to settle down, get married, have a family. And because we are so different, I can't imagine having those things with you. If that future isn't there, I can't see us staying together now. It wouldn't be fair… to you or to me. I hope you understand." Tears welled in his eyes, as he laid his hand on her cheek.

Emily placed her hand over his and smiled a sad smile at him, misty-eyed. "Raj, you are the best boyfriend I have ever had. The kindest and the sweetest and most innocent. I'm so sad that this is ending but I do understand. I'll always treasure the times we had."

"Me, too." Raj put his other hand on her cheek, cupping her face. He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the lips, then leaned his forehead against hers. "Goodbye, Emily."

She gave him another brief kiss. "Goodbye, Raj."

A few moments later, Raj stood outside her apartment door, contemplating what had just transpired. "Well, that SUCKED!" he said, then sadly headed home.

xxxxxxx

Amy stopped before Sheldon's apartment door and took a deep breath. "Stay strong. You can do this," she said under her breath, bracing herself, and knocked.

Sheldon opened the door and Amy's breath caught. "He would have to wear a blue shirt today" she thought, taken by surprise by his brilliant blue eyes.

She could tell he was nervous by his body posture. "Come in, come in" he said formally, moving aside. "Would you like some tea?"

"No. No, thank you. Let's just sit for a while, OK?" Amy said, gesturing toward the couch.

Sheldon sat in his spot, expecting Amy to sit next to him in her usual place but she took a seat in the armchair. She couldn't get through this if she was too close to him. She inhaled deeply and began. "Sheldon, I appreciate you giving me time alone to think things through." She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts, but knew there was no easy way to say what she needed to say. Amy had seemed to cry herself dry over the past few days and was now able to stoically tell him, "I've come to the realization that it would be best for both of us if we terminated our romantic relationship."

Sheldon had braced himself for this. Deep down, he had known it was coming ever since she had asked for time to re-evaluate their situation. Still, it stung to hear her actually say it. "I see," he said stiffly. "May I ask why?"

Amy paused before she spoke. She didn't want to hurt him by enumerating his failings but she was determined not to let him off the hook again. "Yes, of course. Some of the things I am going to say may hurt you, Sheldon, but I want to be completely honest with you." She gulped and looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap. "The main reason is the way you treat me. I feel like a possession of yours, an accessory that you use to stroke your ego, entertain you, help you when you are in need, and keep you company only to be put back on the shelf with your other collectibles until you need me again. It hurts me when you do things and make decisions about your life without any consideration for my feelings, or making any effort to include me in those decisions. I'm just one of many components that make up your world, not your partner."

Sheldon interrupted. "Now, Amy, that's not…"

Amy raised a hand to stop him. "Sheldon, I need to get this all out. You will have an opportunity for rebuttal."

"Very well," he stated, his lips a thin line and his body stiff with tension.

Amy gulped and then continued, avoiding his eyes. "You have always dismissed my scientific accomplishments and belittled and ridiculed my field of study. You never entertain the possibility that my ideas might have any significance or value. You have treated my desire for physical affection as an inconvenience to you and have only conceded to hand-holding and kissing at my insistence and with an amendment to the relationship agreement. When I express a wish to move forward to intimate relations that would be expected in a long-term adult relationship, you act like I'm some horny, sex-craved pervert and that the very thought is repulsive to you." Her voice starts to quiver. "Do you have any idea how terribly unattractive that makes me feel? To know that the man I love can't bring himself to touch me?"

Sheldon bowed his head in shame as she continued. "All of these things make me feel completely small and worthless. I have had enough people throughout my life that have made me feel worthless. I do not need that from the one person who is supposed to be my biggest supporter." Amy's voice was thick with emotion and she was unable to continue.

"Amy," Sheldon said softly. "If these things were hurting you, why didn't you ever tell me? If I'm such a horrible boyfriend, why did you stay with me?"

Amy shook her head, astonished again by his cluelessness. "Sheldon, I have told you these things many times throughout our relationship but you would never listen. Whenever I would try to talk to you about my feelings, you always dismissed it as 'hippy dippy' stuff or accused me of experiencing my menses. You never gave any weight to my concerns." She sat forward in her chair, leaning her arms on her knees, getting closer to him as she continued. "And I stayed with you because I love you. I stayed with you because I had hope. Hope that you would change. You have grown and made changes to please me but I realize now that these changes were not naturally occurring, were not things that you necessarily wanted, but things that I forced upon you."

Sheldon looked at her, surprise evident on his face. "Yes, Sheldon, things I forced upon you. All of our friends have praised me for having the patience of a saint, and I also thought I had been extremely patient with you, for years. You mentioned in our last conversation that you strongly disagreed with that sentiment and you were right. It's not patience when you are waiting for someone to change into something they are not. When you are pushing them to behave in ways that are completely contrary to their basic instincts and truest self. That's not patience and that's not love." Amy knew this was a lot for him to take in but she wanted him to know everything she had discovered about herself. "When we first met, I agreed to an intellectual relationship. Even when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I agreed that nothing would change between us, physical or otherwise, but over the years, I changed. I began to realize that I wanted not only an intellectual relationship with you, but an emotional one and a physical one, as well. I just assumed that since I grew and changed and I wanted those things that you would eventually grow and change and want those things too. I tried to force you to change and tried to manipulate you to speed that growth along. That was presumptuous and unfair of me and I'm sorry for putting you through that."

Sheldon visibly relaxed as her listened to her. He gathered his thoughts and got control of his emotions before he spoke. "Amy, you are the one person on this planet who truly understands me. You know me better than anyone, including my mom and Meemaw. What you have just said means a great deal to me. I have been trying to change for you, trying very hard because I love you too, but it's like trying to be left-handed when you're naturally right-handed. It just goes against how my brain and body is wired. I didn't realize it until you just now said it but this has been a huge source of stress and tension for me, which I believe contributed to my poor treatment of you. You deserve better and I'm so sorry that I can't be who you need me to be."

By this time, tears were running down Amy's face and Sheldon was holding his back by sheer force of will. "So, where do we go from here?" she asked, as she removed her glasses and wiped her eyes.

"These past few days have been very difficult. I don't want to lose you from my life," Sheldon confessed. "Do you think we can still spend time together, even if our romantic relationship is ended?"

"I'd like that. I think we both need some time to heal but eventually I think that is possible." Amy started to smile. She raised her hand in the Vulcan salute and said with a grin, "I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

Sheldon gave his breathy laugh and then sobered as he tentatively took her hand. "Thank you for being my friend, Amy Farrah Fowler."

Amy squeezed his hand and smiled wistfully at him. "Thank you for being MY friend, Sheldon Lee Cooper."

Sheldon escorted her to the door and opened it for her. "I really do love you," he said. "I know. I love you, too." They took each other into a tender embrace one final time and then she walked out. Sheldon closed the door but didn't move away. He laid his hand on the door and let out a sigh. "Goodbye, Amy." Amy stopped before she went down the stairs and turned back to look at 4A. She laid her hand on the door and let out a sigh. "Goodbye, Sheldon."

 **AN: Please don't hate me, Shamy shippers! I know this is not what you wanted but I really want to play this story out the way it originally came to me. I have been avoiding everyone's stories dealing with the season 8 finale because I don't want other authors' story lines to influence me while this is still in progress. It's been hard because I know I'm missing out on some GREAT stories! This chapter took me a while because it was hard to write something that part of me didn't want to happen. I really do think Sheldon feels love for Amy but only in the noun sense, a feeling of deep attachment and affection. I don't think he is capable of really loving Amy in the action verb sense, putting her needs and feelings above his own. I really value your opinions and feedback so please leave a review or send me a PM. I'm loving being part of TBBT fan fiction community! Thanks for your continued interest in this story. :)**


	9. Chapter 9 - No One Understands

**AN: Sorry for the delay in posting. I am taking an online summer course and it has been eating up my time. Also, I would like to apologize to any of you who thought this was going to be a Shamy fic. I'm new to writing FF so was unaware that I should give folks a head's up. I love the Shamy but want to try taking our folks down another path. I hope you'll come along. (Head's up: super angsty chapter ahead.)**

It was lunchtime at CalTech and the four men were gathered at their usual table, eating and catching up.

Raj put down his utensils and sat up straight. "I have some pretty major news that I wanted to share with you guys."

"What is it? You find Cinnamon a new hair conditioner?" Howard asked, taking a bite of his lunch.

"Don't be such an ass, Howard," Raj replied testily. "For your information, I broke up with Emily last night."

"Oh, Raj, I'm sorry. That's too bad" Leonard said, his voice full of concern.

Howard placed his hands on either side of his tray and leaned back. "Let me get this straight. You, Rajesh Koothrappali, voluntarily broke up with a gorgeous woman who's willing to have sex with you?"

"Not everything's about sex, you know," Raj was getting irritated with his friend. "A mature man has to make decisions based on…."

"Amy broke up with me," Sheldon stated flatly, not looking up from the table.

"Oh, my god! Really?" "When?" "Why?"

Raj was floored. Amy had told him she had decided to end it with Sheldon but he honestly thought she would back out. In his heart, he thought the Shamy would endure forever.

Howard dropped his jovial attitude and Leonard was so stunned he could hardly breathe.

"Yes, really. Last night. Her reasons were numerous and valid. I do not wish to enumerate them for you."

"Sheldon… Buddy… Oh, man." Leonard was genuinely worried about his friend. "How are you doing?"

"All right, I suppose," Sheldon shrugged, pushing his food around with his fork, still not looking up. "I feel disappointed. And sad. But on some level… somewhat relieved." For a moment, no one spoke and silence covered the table.

"You cold-hearted bastard." Sheldon's head snapped up at Howard's stinging remark.

"What the hell, Howard?" "Not cool, dude!" Chastisement came from both Leonard and Raj.

"Relieved?!" Howard asks, his voice hard, angered over Sheldon's apparent callous dismissal of Amy's affections. "You're RELIEVED that the one woman crazy enough to put up with your crap decided she can't do it anymore? God. I knew you were a jackass but I thought you at least had the smarts to appreciate Amy."

"How dare you," Sheldon's voice was low and dangerous. His face turned to iron and his forearm shook as his knuckles turned white where he gripped the side of the table. "How DARE you insinuate that I don't appreciate Amy."

Howard was about to give it to Sheldon for his mistreatment of the woman he now loved like a little sister, but he stopped when he saw the rage in his eyes.

"You have no idea what she means to me. You have NO IDEA what I'm going through. I should have known better than to bare my soul to you boorish cretins. I should have known you wouldn't understand. None of you understand! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!" he roared.

Sheldon stood up so quickly that he knocked his chair into the table behind him and stormed out of the cafeteria. Heads turned all around the room at his outburst.

Leonard stood up and knelt down to retrieve Sheldon's forgotten belongings. "Way to go, Howard," he said angrily, then took off after his friend.

xxxxxxx

Leonard followed Sheldon to his office where he found his friend pacing back and forth, breathing heavily, his hands gripping his hair on both sides of his head.

"Sheldon," he began softly, slowly entering the office and placing Sheldon's things on a chair. His upturned palms outstretched, Leonard approached him cautiously, like he was a wounded, scared animal. "Shelly? It's me. Leonard," He tried to make his voice as soothing and calm as possible. "Slow down for me, would ya, buddy?"

Sheldon stopped in the middle of his office and faced him. "Leonard?" he questioned, his hands still clutching his hair. "You don't understand. No one understands."

Leonard was scared. He'd seen Sheldon go through his share of freak-outs over the years, but nothing like this. His eyes were glassy and his breath was still coming in short, quick pants.

"You know, you're right. I don't understand." Still speaking as gently as he could, he slowly approached his distraught roommate. "Why don't we sit down and you can explain it to me, OK?"

Leonard reached up and gingerly took hold of Sheldon's wrists, drawing his hands away from his head and down to his side. "C'mon over to your chair and have a seat, all right?"

Sheldon allowed himself to be led to the other side of his desk, Leonard's soft tone soothing him until his breathing started to return to normal.

Leonard went back to close and lock the office door. He grabbed a water out of the mini-fridge, opened it, and placed the cool bottle in Sheldon's hands. He sat on the desk next to the man he loved like a brother. "Ok, Shelly, you ready to explain things to me?"

Having calmed down quite a bit, Sheldon took a drink of water and turned his chair a bit to take a look out the window. "It's just so hard, Leonard," he said wearily.

"What's hard, Sheldon?"

"Everything." He sighed deeply. "My senses are overloaded every day. My mind never stops. Change is scary. The slightest deviation from my routine can throw off my whole day. I know it irritates you that I have to have a certain food from a certain place prepared a certain way but it's not because I'm being picky or unreasonable. It's that any deviation from the norm is… mentally uncomfortable, sometimes even painful, to me. Unexpected events and situations can send me into a panic. Minor inconveniences that other people have no trouble overlooking cause me major discomfort. They make my brain itch. I tried to get you to understand when I made you wear that sweater but I don't think it worked."

"It worked a little," Leonard said, subconsciously scratching his chest at the memory.

"I'm sensitive to everything. Clothes, sounds, light. That's why I'm so particular about my laundry. Clothes can feel like sandpaper to me. Too much WIND, for God's sake, can feel like bugs crawling on my skin," Sheldon took another long drink of his water. "And social interactions are a nightmare. I see the looks of shock and irritation on your faces when you think I've done something rude or insensitive. I know that I must have done something wrong by your reaction, but I truly, honestly, have no clue what it was. I don't apologize or try to make amends because I don't know what I did or what is expected of me. I don't know the rules, Leonard, and it's hard to play the game when you don't know the rules."

Sheldon stood and stretched and leaned his hands against the windowsill. "It's like walking blindfolded through a minefield. Always waiting for something to explode in my face. That's why I don't like going places and meeting new people. Over the years, I've become familiar with our friends and the places we frequent, and I can navigate OK because it's familiar water. But then I met Amy and I was in completely uncharted territory."

Leonard sat, mesmerized, afraid to move for fear that Sheldon would stop talking. He was getting a glimpse into his friend that he'd never seen before.

"Amy came into my life and turned everything on its ear. She was the first person I'd ever met that could match me in intelligence. She cared little for social niceties, just like me. She did not suffer fools gladly, just like me. We were well and truly matched. But then we got closer and things started to change. Amy started to change but it was good for her. She was able to adapt and grow and flourish in the new things, people, and places she was discovering. She was eager to try new experiences and enjoyed them and became a more well-rounded person for it. And, bless her sweet heart, she brought me along with her, kickin' and scratchin' the whole way."

He turned and sat back in his chair, seemingly fascinated by the water bottle in his hands. He kept rolling it from hand to hand as he continued to reveal himself. "Once we became involved in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, Amy wanted things to be different. Based on how I see all of you act in your relationships, I assume that is the norm, but everything she wanted was so far out of my comfort zone. She wanted me to think about her. About her wants and needs. My mind is so full all the time, adding those requirements added stress for me. She wanted to hold my hand. I can barely tolerate anything or anyone touching me but I did it, for her. But that was more stress. Then when I was angry and kissed her on the train… I enjoyed that encounter but she wanted to make it a frequent occurrence. More touching, more stress." Sheldon's breath started to quicken. "And then she wanted to move in with me, and be around me ALL the time. And then she wanted to have COITUS with me! How am I supposed to have a naked woman in my bed when I have to sleep stock still in the middle of the bed just to tolerate my COVERS touching me?!" He slammed the water bottle on his desk, stood up, and started pacing again.

"Woah there, Sheldon. It's OK. It's OK." Leonard said, trying to calm him back down.

"It's NOT OK, Leonard! You people think I don't listen, but I hear everything. 'Dr. Whackadoodle' 'Sheldon needs to man up!' 'Pinochhio – he's not a real boy.' 'Why don't you grow a pair?' 'Sheldon doesn't have genitals.' 'Poor Amy! Why doesn't he want to be with her?' Pressure from you! Pressure from Penny! Pressure from all of you!"

He walked back to the window and leaned his hands on the sill again, closing his eyes and gaining control of his breathing. "I told you that you don't understand. None of you understand what it's like to be me. NONE of you. But Amy figured it out. Amy understands now and she loves me. She loves me enough…" His voice cracked as he leaned his forehead against the window glass. "She loves me enough to break up with me."

Leonard sat still on the desk, tears now streaming down his face, as he looked with a broken and contrite heart at his friend. He never realized the extent of Sheldon's disability and the pain it caused him. "Sheldon, I am so, SO sorry. Even after all these years of living together, I had no idea what struggles you have gone through. I didn't understand but I do now. Please forgive me, buddy. I promise to try to be a better friend from now on."

Sheldon turned toward him. "There's nothing to forgive. How could you possible know? How could anyone? But thank you, for your friendship. I really don't know where I'd be without you."

Leonard, sensing this particular storm had spent its energy, cleared his throat and hopped down off the desk. "Sheldon, you've had a rough afternoon. Do you want me to take you home?"

Sheldon sat down in his chair again. "No, thank you. I think it would be helpful to focus on my work for a while… to get my mind off things." He turned slightly, looking out the window again. "Besides, it's Thursday. But it's not date night anymore so… I'm kind of at loose ends."

Leonard would do anything to stop the pain his friend was in but he knew there was nothing he could do except be there for him… and try his best to understand. "OK. Stay as late as you want. Just call me when you're ready and I'll come pick you up."

"Thank you, Leonard," Sheldon said, as he turned and opened his laptop, signaling the conversation was over.

"Bye, Sheldon. See you later, buddy," Leonard opened the door and headed out.

Sheldon did want to concentrate on his work but there was something important he had to take care of first. He opened his email and started to compose a letter.

 _"My dearest Amy,"_


	10. Chapter 10 - The Letter

_My dearest Amy,_

 _Harsh words were spoken in the cafeteria today and I wanted to explain them to you before they were twisted by our social grapevine and ended up inadvertently causing you pain. I told the guys that you had broken up with me and they asked me how I felt. Foolishly, I was honest with them and told them I felt sad, disappointed, and somewhat relieved. Wolowitz, that Philistine, called me a profane name and insinuated that I did not appreciate you._

 _The end of our romantic relationship has made me feel many things, relief being one of them. It is not relief at no longer being pair-bonded with you. It is not relief that you will now play a much diminished role in my life. Those things fill me with sadness. As you and I discussed yesterday, it is only relief at no longer being expected to behave in ways that are outside my instinctive nature. It is relief that I will no longer hurt and disappoint you._

 _Wolowitz had no right to say that I don't appreciate you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I appreciate so much about you. Your intelligence, your wit, your beauty. I appreciate your courage in trying new things and embracing change. Courage that I lack. I appreciate your acceptance of me from the very beginning. I appreciate your patience with my stubbornness and I appreciate you opening my world to things I never thought possible. I am sorry that some of the things you want and deserve are just not possible… for me. You deserve all the things you have asked of me and so much more. You deserve a full relationship on every level. Intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I am sorry that I cannot give that to you. Please know that if I were capable of such things, it would be with you._

 _I know you are probably surprised at my words, having never heard anything similar from me in person. It's just so much easier to express myself in the written word, when I am alone and calm and able to collect my thoughts. I'm sorry I was not able to tell you all the things you needed to hear._

 _I tried explaining to Leonard this afternoon what life is like for me. I hope he can comprehend but I wouldn't be surprised if he did not. Amy, you know me better than anyone, and now you understand me better than anyone. I sincerely hope that we can remain part of each other's lives because you are my best friend and other than my meemaw, my favorite person in the world._

 _Please meet me for lunch tomorrow. I fear that too much time passing before we meet again will cause our interactions to become increasingly awkward and I don't ever want that to happen._

 _Forever and always your friend,_

 _Sheldon Lee Cooper_

xxxxxxx

After sending his email, Sheldon set about trying to get some work done. As he was still required by the university to teach a class in the fall, he had to slog through the mundanities of deciding on his curriculum and constructing a syllabus. "What a waste of time and talent," he thought. He focused on the fact that once he was finished with those unpleasantries, he would be able to get back to tackling the proton decay problem with which he had been struggling.

It was close to the end of the work day, when Howard came by. He knocked on the door frame and tentatively leaned into the office. "Hey, Sheldon. Can I come in?" he asked.

Sheldon didn't turn but kept his back to him and continued to write on his board. "What do you want, Howard?" he said coldly.

Howard took a few steps inside. "I wanted to apologize."

Sheldon turned to face him, capping his marker and crossing his arms. "Very well." He remained stone-faced.

"Leonard came to see me after he talked with you." Howard started out. "While he was ripping me a new one for being… what did he say? Oh yeah, a 'ginormous prick' to you," making quotes in the air as he spoke. "He explained to me about what you two talked about after you left the cafeteria."

Sheldon, in no mood to participate in discourse with Howard, continued to stare at him, unmoved and unmoving.

Howard plowed forward, knowing that he had hurt Sheldon deeply and that this wouldn't be easy. "Anyway, I wanted you to know that you're right. I didn't understand. But I do now. At least, I'm trying to." He turned away from Sheldon in shame, rubbing the back of his neck. "You were such a good friend to me and so supportive when Ma died. And now you're going through something really painful and I just… I called you…" Howard turned toward him. "I am SO sorry, Sheldon. So sorry for not understanding and for adding to the hurt when I should have been there to support you and help you through this. Can you ever forgive me?"

Sheldon uncrossed his arms and relaxed his posture. "Thank you, Howard. That means a lot to me. I accept your apology."

"Whew!" Howard said, hand over his heart. "I'm so glad. You and I have made quite a bit of progress over the last year and I would hate to lose that."

"Me, too," Sheldon said but then he hesitated and looked at the ground. "Howard, could you do something for me?"

"Sure, Sheldon. Name it."

Sheldon looked up, his blue eyes bright with concern. "Would you and Bernadette look after Amy? This is going to be difficult for her and… it would make me feel better to know that she had you to help her through it."

Howard was warmed by the concern he saw in his friend. He really had been wrong about Sheldon. "Absolutely. I'd be honored," he replied. "Don't worry. We'll take good care of her."

Sheldon let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." They shared a silent moment and then Sheldon uncapped his marker and turned back to his board. "I have work to do so you can go now," he said abruptly.

"Ok, Sheldon. See you later." Howard chuckled to himself. Some things will never change.

xxxxxxx

Amy arrived at home after a draining day in the lab. She had thrown herself into her work to keep her mind off of Sheldon and had processed more samples today than she ever had before. She hadn't even looked at her computer and she knew she probably had tons of emails that needed responses. Even though it was early, she changed into her nightgown to get comfortable and nuked herself a cup of soup before sitting down to her computer and opening her email.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to a message from Sheldon. She put down her soup and opened it, apprehensive to what the contents might be. As her eyes scanned the screen and took in his words, tears filled her eyes and she started to cry. She cried at the beautiful and touching things he said. She cried for the man she loved and the difficulties he faced. And she cried for the future together that they could never have.

 **AN: This story was marked as "Angst/Romance" but we seem to have had an overabundance of angst. LOL! Soon we'll be moving into the fun, romance part so I hope you can hang in there with me. :)**


	11. Chapter 11 - Amy's Response

**AN: I am SO sorry it has taken so long to update. Real life has to take priority, you know? :) This chapter is a** ** _little_** **on the angst side but not too much.**

After Amy read Sheldon's letter, her first impulse was to get dressed and run to his apartment. She wanted to hug him and hold him and tell him to forget everything she said and be her boyfriend again. But as soon as that thought went through her mind, the realization hit her anew that this impulse was at the crux of what was wrong with their relationship. If she ran to him, full of emotion, and hugged him, he would reject her. He would berate her for her impulsive action, probably scold her for coming over unannounced, and push her away for hugging him during a time unscheduled for physical activity. With a sigh, Amy's mind was resolved again that this was the best course of action. She wanted to be able to act on her feelings. She wanted to be able to hug and kiss her boyfriend because she felt so close to him emotionally and wanted to be close to him physically. She wanted all these things but Sheldon had confessed to her that this was just not something of which he was capable.

Amy went to the sink and poured out her now cold soup and rinsed her cup. She went to the bathroom and washed her face. She came back to the computer and sat down to reply to Sheldon's email. It was with a full and heavy heart that she typed her response.

 _Dear Sheldon,_

 _Thank you so much for taking the time to write and explain what happened to make sure I was spared any unnecessary pain. That was very considerate and thoughtful of you. All of your wonderful, sweet words touched me deeply and I will never forget them. I am very saddened that our relationship didn't evolve in the way that I had hoped, but it is still the most deep, meaningful relationship I have ever had in my entire life. I am glad to hear you say that you consider me your best friend because you most definitely are mine. You understand me and can communicate with me in a way that no one ever has. I, too, wish to continue our friendship. I'd be lost without it. I can't imagine not having you in my life._

 _As I try to put away my romantic feelings for you and take time to heal and acclimate to our new paradigm, naturally we will not be able to spend as much time together as we normally do. It's just too hard for me right now. I am, however, amenable to establishing a weekly lunch appointment with you. I agree with your assessment that an overlong passage of time before resuming our interactions would increase the awkwardness of our encounters and that would be most distressing. Please accept my invitation to meet for lunch in the university cafeteria tomorrow afternoon at 1pm. I look forward to it. I can't believe it has been a week since I have seen or talked to you. It has been an incredibly difficult week for me and I miss you. Although it will be emotionally demanding on both of us, I am glad we are at a point where we understand our differences and can move forward._

 _Your friend forever and always,_

 _Amy_

xxxxxxx

Promptly at 1pm the next afternoon, Sheldon and Amy met each other in the hall outside the cafeteria.

"Hello, Sheldon," Amy said. Her heart jumped a bit upon seeing him but it wasn't as bad as she had anticipated.

"Hello, Amy," Sheldon replied. "It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Sheldon. Shall we?" Amy asked, as she gestured toward the cafeteria.

They both joined the food services line in silence. Not an awkward silence but the agreeable silence of two like minds knowing there was no point in talking as they were intent on the task of obtaining their lunches. The looks on their faces were remarkably reminiscent of their expressions when they waited patiently in the coffee shop to order Amy's tepid water on the occasion of their first meeting.

After filling their trays, they made their way to a table for two in a secluded area of the cafeteria to minimize their chances of being disturbed. As their non-date night activities had never been romantic in nature, lunch was essentially unchanged until Sheldon asked about the zoo.

"So, Amy, do you want to have breakfast before we go to the zoo tomorrow or have lunch when we're done," Sheldon asked, then took a bite of his lunch.

Amy just looked at him for a few seconds, brows drawn, realizing that he did not comprehend how the end of their romantic relationship would impact their previous schedule. "Sheldon, we're not going to the zoo tomorrow," she stated plainly.

"Why not?," Sheldon asked, genuinely confused. "We always go to the zoo on Saturday."

Amy sighed as she put down her fork, incredulous that she would have to explain this to him. "Sheldon, as our status as boyfriend/girlfriend is no longer valid, the activities of that prior relationship are no longer in place."

"But… why? I thought you said we could still be friends," Sheldon asked, started to get a little upset about the impending disruption to his routine.

"Although I do want us to continue our relationship as friends, our previously scheduled activities will no longer be taking place as the amount of time we spend together will be greatly reduced."

Sheldon just looked at her like she was crazy for suggesting such a thing, so Amy continued. "Sheldon, I know it is a relief to you that the romantic aspects of our relationship have ended and that it removes the stress of having to act in a way that is contrary to your instincts, however," she paused and looked away before she took a deep breath and returned her eyes to him. "Losing that aspect of our relationship is very painful for me and spending time with you, knowing that it is gone, is going to be difficult. I greatly desire that we remain friends. That's why I agreed to weekly lunch with you, but it is going to take me a while to heal from this. So that means that our lunches will be our only private interactions for some time. That means no zoo, no date nights, no Cheesecake Factory, no movie nights, no coming to my apartment and I won't be coming to your apartment for a while. I won't be giving you rides to places or helping you run your errands. We are both single now and will have to start behaving in that manner to be able to move on successfully. Do you understand?"

Sheldon looked down at his plate as he tried to process all that Amy had said. He finally spoke in a small voice, "We're really over then, aren't we? It won't ever be the same."

"No, Sheldon, it won't be the same," Amy replied gently. "But as we heal and learn to be single, we can increase our interactions and rebuild our friendship until we get to a new and better place. I want to work toward that. Are you willing?"

"I guess I just wanted everything to be the same as when we started out as friends. I neglected to take into account your feelings. I'm sorry." Sheldon straightened up and looked at her. "I want to regain the friendship and comfortable interaction that we had at the beginning of our acquaintance. I am willing to work on that, at your pace, Amy."

"Thank you, Sheldon."

They finished their lunch in quiet contemplation. Both started gathering their things at the same time and took their trays to dispose of their trash. Sheldon straightened the strap of his message bag across his chest and looked at her. "So, we're on next week for lunch? Same Bat-Time? Same Bat-Channel?," he said with a small smile.

Amy returned his smile. "I'd like that, Sheldon. I'll see you next week."

They left the cafeteria and went their separate ways.


	12. Chapter 12 - A Much Needed Break

Amy walked back to her lab after lunch. She still had to catalogue all the samples she processed yesterday. "Well, heartache does have one advantage," Amy thought drily. "It makes you more productive at work." She sat down at her desk and starting inputting her data.

She was well into her second stack of sample information when Raj poked his head in the door. "Hey, Amy. You got a minute?"

Amy turned her stool to face him. "Sure, Raj. I'm due for a break anyway," she said, scrunching up her shoulders and then letting them fall with a sigh. "What's up?"

Raj grabbed a stray stool, straddled it, and rolled over to her. "I came by yesterday to check on you but your students told me you couldn't be disturbed."

Amy grinned a little. "Good little watchdogs. I've trained them well."

Raj grinned back. "Yes, you have. They were pretty much 'Nobody gets in to see the wizard. Not nobody. Not no how.'" That brought a small chuckle from Amy.

"Anyway," Raj continued. "I came by to check on you because Sheldon told us at lunch that you broke up with him. I know we talked about it but I honestly didn't think you would do it. You've always stood by him, no matter how big of an ass he was being."

Amy's brows drew down in irritation. "Well, I did it. And it's not because he's an ass, we just want different things," she said firmly, still protective of Sheldon.

"Amy, I'm sorry. I meant no insult," Raj apologized, raising his hands in surrender. "I was just surprised, that's all. How did it go? You know, when you told him?"

"Pretty well, I guess. We agreed that we were not moving in the same direction and that we just couldn't continue." Amy fiddled with one of the buttons on her sweater. "He seemed somewhat relieved, actually."

"Yeah, he mentioned that," Raj said vaguely, not sure how much Amy knew about what happened at lunch yesterday.

Amy popped her head up and gave him a hard look. "And Mr. Howard Wolowitz had better watch his step. He had no right calling Sheldon a profane name just because he was admitting his feelings."

"I know, I know. Howard felt really bad about that. He's already apologized."

"Well, I should hope so." Amy huffed.

"How did you know about that anyway?" Raj asked.

"I got home yesterday evening and Sheldon had sent me an email telling me a little bit of what happened. He then went on to write the most beautiful letter, telling me all the things he appreciated about me and how he was sorry he couldn't be what I wanted him to be." Amy started misting up.

Raj hopped up and went across the lab for some Kleenex. He retook his seat as he handed Amy the tissues.

"Thanks," she sniffed, dabbing at her eyes. "He thought if we took too long to see each other that it would get awkward, so we had lunch together today."

"How was that?"

"Awkward," Amy laughed ruefully. "A little, at first. But then it was OK. We just started talking about normal, everyday stuff. Until he asked me what time we were going to the zoo tomorrow." Amy pressed her lips together in a tight, annoyed line.

"The zoo?" asked Raj, his face showing confusion. "Why would he think you were going to the zoo?"

"Because we ALWAYS go to the zoo on Saturday," she said, balling up the tissues and tossing them into the trashcan. "He thought we would just excise the romantic portion of our relationship and continue on with our normal activities like nothing had changed. I had to explain to him, again, that ceasing our romantic relationship was emotionally difficult for me and that it would take me some time to heal. I had to make it very clear that we would not be hanging out together and I would not be driving him places and helping with his errands. I agreed to weekly lunches, because I do not want to lose him from my life, but seeing him in that sort of familiarity and frequency right now would just be too hard."

Raj sat up straight, smiled at her, and gave her a strong pat on the shoulder. "Good for you! I'm glad you let him know that you won't be at his beck and call anymore."

"Yeah, I asserted my independence, blah, blah, blah," Amy said sadly. "But I've had plans every Saturday morning for almost four years solid and tomorrow I'll be all alone. I can't face another day in the lab. It's been a long week and I need a break. But spending all weekend alone in my apartment is just too depressing to think about."

"I've got an idea!" Raj said brightly. "Cinnamon and I always take a walk in the park on Saturday morning and then stop at this cute little sidewalk café for brunch. What don't you join us? It'll be fun!"

Amy's first impulse was to decline but then she took a second to really consider the offer. "You know, I think some fresh air and sunshine might do me good." Amy put her hands on her knees and sat up tall with a smile on her face. "I'll go. It WILL be fun. Thanks, Rajesh."

"Hey, no problem. That's what friends are for, right?" Raj stood and slid his stool back to its rightful place. "We'll swing by your apartment, say 9, 9:30?"

Amy stood to see him to the door. "That'll work. I'll see you and Cinnamon in the morning."

"Ok, see you then," Raj replied, as he walked out the door.

Amy returned to her work, feeling much more light-hearted than she had 20 minutes before.


	13. Chapter 13 - Amy's Night Off

**AN: All right. One more semi angst filled chapter and then we'll go to the park. I promise!**

Amy finally entered all her data and starting cleaning up to end her day and begin the weekend. She was ready to go home, grab some wine, get comfortable, put her feet up, and turn her brain OFF. This week had been so emotionally exhausting she just wanted to veg out for a while. Penny and Bernadette had each offered their companionship for the evening but she had turned them both down. She just really needed some time to herself to absorb everything that had happened this past week.

As soon as she walked in her door, she kicked off her shoes and dropped her jacket and bag in the floor on the way to the kitchen. She grabbed some wine from the frig and poured herself a hearty glass. She knew that alcohol never solved anything but had discovered through her association with Penny that on many occasions it could make most things a lot easier to deal with.

She thought about reading for a while but even some light fiction seemed to call for the use of too many brain cells so she decided to watch TV instead. She pulled out her boxed set of "Little House on the Prairie" and popped disc one into the DVD player. "Little House" always helped her relax and drift off into the fantasy of simpler times.

As she sipped her wine and was pulled into life on the prairie, she started to feel the tension ease from her body. She felt like she had been hair-trigger tight all week long. She took a short inventory of her week. Friday night – their anniversary and fight. Saturday – trying all day to decide what to do and then her Skype call with Sheldon. Sunday – agonizing about if she was right to ask for a break and trying to decide what to do. Monday – an interminable day at work and then a draining and revealing talk with Raj. Tuesday – girls' night with Penny and Bernadette and the awful epiphany she had in regards to Sheldon… and the undeniable conclusion that she had to end it. That had been particularly dreadful. Wednesday – seeing Sheldon again and having to end their relationship and put to rest the dreams she had for them. Thursday – burying herself in work and then going home to find Sheldon's letter. And that left today – seeing him again and realizing that he still didn't really understand what she was going through.

"Ugh," she thought, rising to go to the kitchen for more wine. And maybe some cheese and crackers. She knew she would regret drinking on an empty stomach if she didn't eat something.

Amy returned to the sofa with her wine and snacks, contemplating how drastically her life had changed in the short span of seven days. At this time last week, she had been getting all dolled up in her new dress, excited to be going out with Sheldon for their five year anniversary. She had been beside herself with happiness. And now… here she was, a week later, alone and single.

She leaned her head back against the couch and asked the empty room, "How did things get so messed up? How am I going to live without him?" She felt herself start to get weepy again and knew that an ugly crying jag was on its way if she didn't do something to head it off right now.

She sat up with resolve and sat her glass down sharply on the coffee table. "Snap out of it, Fowler!" Amy yelled at herself. "You are a strong, independent woman and you don't need Sheldon Cooper to fulfill your life!" With that, she shut off "Little House" and turned around to her iPod station on the table behind the couch. She pulled up what she had titled her "Empowerment" mix; several songs that motivated her and gave her strength when she had a hard decision to make or a difficult task ahead of her. She cranked up the volume and set about to de-Sheldonize her apartment and get started with the next chapter of her life.

The first stop was the kitchen. (She had to refill her wineglass anyway.) She pulled out the dry pasta and spaghetti sauce and threw them in the trash. She thought better of that and put them in a box to give to Penny. No use wasting food. Next in was strawberry Quik, both powder and syrup. She put the hot dogs and Yoo Hoo in a bag in the refrigerator, to be added to the box when she next saw Penny. As she was packing up the food, she thought about Sheldon and his preferences. Everything was so childlike, which had a certain charm. Unfortunately, it could be quite tedious when you were in a relationship with a man that acted like a child.

As she headed toward her computer desk, she continued thinking of Sheldon. The others called him Pinocchio, saying he wasn't a 'real' boy. But she didn't see him as Pinocchio, but rather as Peter Pan, a perpetual boy. He looked like a man (and, HOO, what a man!) but he acted like a child in so many ways. He was so egocentric that he never saw how things affected anyone but him. He cherished his toys and was very possessive of them. Sometimes Amy felt like one of his collectibles, definitely one of his prized ones, but still a possession none the less. She removed various ticket stubs and programs from outings they had been on and put them in an envelope. She downloaded her texts from Sheldon and pictures from her phone and loaded them onto a spare flash drive. She also downloaded her pictures and her fan fiction to the flash drive then deleted everything from her hard drive and phone. She added that to the envelope and headed into the bedroom.

Amy went to her closet and pulled down an empty jewelry box. It was quite large and to her, when she was a young girl, it had looked like a treasure chest. It was her Aunt Flora's and used to contain lots of colorful costume jewelry. When she was little and would go visit, her aunt would let her take the "treasure" out of the box and hide it around her house. At Aunt Flora's birthday party (that Sheldon had promised to attend and then selfishly backed out), her aunt had surprised her with the now empty jewelry box as a gift.

She opened it on her bed and put the envelope inside. On her dresser was a stuffed koala and monkey they had gotten at the zoo last year. The koala looked straight ahead, holding on to its prized possession – a piece of eucalyptus. The monkey faced the koala, hugging it with long arms that connected with Velcro paws. Amy sighed, took another drink from her ever present wineglass, and put them in the box.

Next was their prom picture that had graced her nightstand for the last seven months. Her first prom. The night Sheldon told her he loved her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she rubbed her thumb over Sheldon's face in the picture. She put it tenderly next to the stuffed animals.

Amy walked back to her dresser and opened the top drawer. She took out a black velvet bag, loosened the strings, and looked inside. The light sparkled against the jewels of her tiara before she cinched it tightly shut and added it to her treasure box.

She sat next to the box on her bed and contemplated the meaning of what she had gathered. So much… everything. But this was her past and she had to look toward her future. She closed the lid and thought about what was next. She took a deep, cleansing breath, closed her eyes, and tried to think of the possibilities.

She was her own woman now. She could do what she wanted without having to worry that she was going to do something wrong or upset Sheldon accidentally. That constant feeling of walking on eggshells would be gone. She could wear lip gloss, regardless of whether her lips looked slippery or not. Maybe she would get a pet. Maybe even a warm-blooded one with fur. She could go to scientific conferences. There had been many she had wanted to attend, but Sheldon didn't like her traveling alone, yet he refused to go with her. She could be strong and independent. She had good friends. She had a good job and a promising career. She could do this.

Amy stood, picked up the jewelry box, and carefully put it on the top shelf of her closest, way in the back. She grabbed the wineglass off her night stand and headed to the bathroom. After she had washed her face, she caught a glimpse of her reflection. She raised her glass in toast to the woman in the mirror. "Here's to the next chapter of your life, Dr. Fowler. Go get 'em, girl!"


	14. Chapter 14 - Saturday in the Park (Pt 1

Saturday morning was relaxing for Amy. She got up and took a shower and was about to blow dry her hair straight like she normally did but thought she'd do something a little different today. Her hair was a little wavier when she let it air dry so she just scrunched it up a bit while drying it with a towel and set about getting ready.

She had a bit of toast and some juice because she knew they wouldn't be eating for a while. Raj had said brunch after all. He also said he would be there basically 9ish. Amy felt that was very refreshing, to have someone say they'd be there "around" some time. It seemed so casual, so unstructured, she almost felt kind of naughty. That thought made her giggle.

Since they were going for a walk in the park, Amy chose her light blue gingham prairie skirt with a small white ruffle at the bottom. It was looser than her work skirts and not as heavy as her normal wool or denim. She topped it with a pink and blue plaid button up shirt and a lightweight, coral pink, crocheted cardigan with sleeves that stopped at her elbows. Her ensemble was completed by a pair of neon pink and lime green cross trainers with orange laces and sport socks with pink pom-poms.

She grabbed her shoes and socks and went to the living room to wait for Raj. It felt really nice knowing that someone was going to pick HER up for a change. It was very tiring having to be the chauffeur all the time. She was just about to sit down and put on her shoes when there was a knock at the door. She dropped her shoes on the coffee table and went to let Raj in.

"Good morning, Rajesh! Come on in. I'm almost ready," Amy said brightly. "And this must be Cinnamon. I've seen her picture but never met her before."

"Say hello to Miss Amy, Cinnamon," Raj sing-songed, taking his dog's little paw and waving it in greeting at Amy.

"She's so cute." Amy cooed. "Come on in," she invited, as she made her way back to the couch.

Raj walked a little ways into the apartment and closed the door. "Thank you. Do you mind if I set her down while you get ready? She likes to explore new places."

"Sure, go ahead." Amy started putting on her shoes. Cinnamon ran straight to her and jumped right in her lap. Instead of pushing her away and telling her to get down, Amy leaned back on the couch and let the little Yorkie climb on her chest and lick her face. "Well, aren't you the cutest doggie ever? Yes, you are. Yes, you are." Amy laughed and scratched the friendly animal behind her ears as Cinnamon covered her face in wet doggie kisses.

In that moment, Raj's estimation of Amy rose several points. Most people would have rejected his pet's friendly overture. Anyone that was sweet to his little princess was aces in his book.

"Cinnamon, come here! Don't climb on Miss Amy," Raj chided gently, as he freed Amy from the tiny attack, picking his Yorkie up and holding her to him. "That's too much sugar this early in the morning," he said sweetly, giving her little kisses.

"That's OK, Rajesh," Amy laughed. "She's really so sweet." She leaned over and resumed putting on her shoes.

Raj walked over to her harp. "You know, Amy, I've never heard you play your harp before. Was it difficult to learn?"

"Not too bad. I was able to learn a simple accompaniment to 'Girl from Ipanema' in just three lessons. But just like anything else, the more you practice, the better you get." She finished tying one shoe and started putting on the other.

"I'd like to hear you play something sometime," Raj said, running his hand over the smooth wood. He turned to face her. "I play the ukulele, you know."

Amy tied the last shoe and stood. "I didn't know that. You should bring it over sometime and we could try some duets."

"That'd be fun." Raj headed toward the door. "You ready?"

"Yep. Let's go." Amy grabbed her bag and they headed out.

xxxxxxx

As they reached the parking lot, Raj exclaimed, "Oh, drat! I forgot to move Cinnamon's car seat to the back."

"Car seat?" Amy asked. "Why do you have a car seat for your dog?"

"So my little princess can be safe," he said in a babyish voice, talking to Cinnamon. "And so she can see out the window. Isn't that right, baby?" Cinnamon licked him on the nose. "Amy, could you hold her please so I can move her seat?" Raj handed the dog to Amy.

"Sure." Amy replied, taking her. "You're just a little spoiled, aren't you? Aren't you?" she said, getting close to the little dog's face. Cinnamon had won over a new fan this morning.

Raj took Cinnamon from Amy, put a pink harness on the tiny Yorkie, and snapped her into the car seat. He then opened the passenger door for Amy. "Shall we?"

"Thank you, Rajesh." Amy slid in the car and buckled up.

Raj walked around to the drivers' side and got in. As he was buckling, he said, "My regular café is just a couple of blocks away from the guys' apartment on North Robles, so I thought we'd try a new place, here in Glendale."

"Sounds good to me. What park are we going to for our walk?" Amy inquired.

"I googled some parks around here and found a nice one with a walking trail and a little lake. We'll drive over there for a while and then head over to 'Recess' for brunch. They have an outdoor patio and the reviews show they have four dog bones out of five for being pet friendly."

As they were driving to the park, Raj looked over at Amy. "What did you do different to your hair?"

Amy's hands came up to touch her wavy hair self-consciously. "I scrunched it and let it air dry today. Normally, I blow it straight or use a flat iron. No good?" she asked, unsure of the slight changed she'd made.

"No, no, it looks great! Very soft and feminine. You should wear it that way more often," Raj said then spared another glance at her. "You know, you might consider cutting off some length."

Amy reacted, a little shocked. "Cut my hair?! Why?"

"Not a lot, just 3 or 4 inches. It would take off some of the weight and give your hair a little more bounce. Plus, if you put some defining gel in it when its wet, and then really scrunch it with a towel to dry, you'd get a lot more curl," Raj explained, as he pulled onto the road leading into the park area.

His detailed styling advice made Amy laugh. "How is it that you know so much about women's hair?"

Raj pulled into a parking space close to the walking trail. "I don't know. It's a gift," he said with a smile. "Here we are." He put the car in park and turned off the ignition. "Let's get our walk on. Woot! Woot!"

 **AN: Not a lot happening in this chapter. Think of it as a sweet sorbet to cleanse your palate from the angst-fest this story has been so far. LOL! Yesterday was my 50** **th** **birthday. My wish is that everyone leave a review, including the country or state where you live. I feel privileged to belong to such a diverse group of people here on FanFiction and I think it would be fun to see where everyone is from. As always, thank you for following my story. :)**


	15. Chapter 15 -Saturday in the Park (Pt 2)

It was a gorgeous spring day with a light warm breeze and cloudless blue skies as Amy, Raj, and Cinnamon hit the trail to circle the lake. Raj lead his dog with a pink leash studded with rhinestones that matched her harness.

"Why do you leave her harness on instead of attaching the leash to her collar?" Amy asked.

"Yorkies have a tendency for their trachea to collapse and pulling against a collar can cause that to happen," Raj explained. "The harness spreads the pressure across their chest so it's more comfortable for them."

"Wow, Rajesh, you really take good care of her, don't you?" Amy could tell how much the tiny canine meant to the man.

Raj grew serious for a moment. "Howard and Bernadette gave her to me during a pretty dark and lonely time in my life. Cinnamon showed me unconditional love and helped me through a lot. She's very special and I want to take the best care of her I can. I don't know what I'd do without her." He knelt down and pet her as she jumped up and down on her back feet, excited at her master's attention.

"That's so sweet! I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a pet waiting at home that would love me and be excited to see me, like Cinnamon is with you. I mean, I've had a nicotine addicted monkey living with me but he was pretty testy most of the time. Not really the 'unconditional love' type," Amy said as they continued down the trail.

Raj grew animated. "Oh, you should totally get a dog! They are SO great!" He excitedly started to list all the fascinating and fantastic aspects about dog ownership until Amy stopped him.

"Woah, woah! Information overload!" she laughed. "I just said I wondered about it, not that I want to run out to PetSmart right now and get one."

He tried to rein in his enthusiasm. "Well, if you did, you wouldn't regret it. I love having a dog."

They continued along at a brisk pace, enjoying the fresh air and exercise. "Wow, these shoes are more comfortable than I thought they'd be," Amy remarked.

"Are they new?"

"No. Actually, I got them a couple of years ago. I got a pair for Sheldon, too. I thought going for evening walks would be a pleasant way to exercise and spend some time together, just as a couple," Amy said.

"How'd that go over?" Raj asked with small laugh.

Amy pursed her lips then replied. "About as well as you'd think. Sheldon told me that he refused to wear 'garish clown shoes' and… how did he put it? Oh, yeah… 'waste his time walking around pointlessly with no specified destination nor a need to go anywhere'. I was so disappointed I just put my shoes back in the box and stuck them in the closet. I've never worn them before today."

Raj's face grew irritated and he exclaimed, "Oh, Sheldon can suck it!"

"Rajesh!" Amy chided. "Be nice."

"I'm sorry but I've seen how Sheldon has always poo-pooed everything you've wanted to do. He always made you do his stuff, bend to his will. Hell, he bends us all to his will. He tells us what to eat and what night to eat it on. He tells us what activities we do and when. He tells us what restaurants we can go to and which theaters we can visit. We are highly educated and successful adults, with a combined total of five PhDs and a Master's degree in engineering, and none of the six of us can tell him no! All because he is such a big baby and it's easier to let him have his way than to listen to him whine about it!" Raj was well on his way to a rant, but Amy's reproachful glance stopped him. "Anyway," he continued more calmly, "I think it's high time that you did some things that YOU want to do for a change. So I say to Sheldon Lee Cooper, very kindly and cordially," Raj bowed slightly, with his hand on his heart and a genteel smile on his face, "suck it!"

Amy grinned at his change in demeanor. "I realize Sheldon can be a little demanding." Raj scoffed at 'a little' but she continued. "And I don't believe we have been doing him a favor by giving in so easily all the time. If we all stood our ground more often, maybe he'd learn to be more flexible."

"And maybe little pink pigs would fly out of my ass, but I'm not expecting that to happen either," he answered, deadpan.

Raj's remark made Amy laugh until she snorted. She covered her nose with her hand and laughed again. "You're too funny, Rajesh!"

"Yeah, I'm a regular Kunal Nayyar." Raj bent over and unclipped Cinnamon's leash to let her run free for a bit.

"Are you sure it's OK to let her off the leash? What if she runs away?" Amy asked.

"Oh, she's fine. She'll come to me when I call her. I let her run off the leash a little so she can go sniffing around and exploring on her own. Would you like to sit for a while?" he inquired, indicating a picnic table with a bench.

"That would be nice. It's been awhile since I've done any actual exercise." She sat down on the bench with her back to the table, facing the lake. "This is such a pretty park. I'm glad we came here."

"It is pretty," Raj agreed, taking a seat on the picnic table with his feet on the bench. They were quiet for a while, watching Cinnamon run up to the water's edge, barking and growling at twigs and leaves and then scampering away again.

"Mmm, it's so nice and warm," Amy muttered, as she leaned her head back letting her face bask in the mid-morning sun.

Raj glanced over to Amy at her words and froze. Her eyes were closed and her face was completely relaxed and at peace. Her head was tilted back displaying her long white neck. The breeze lightly blew through her wavy hair, gently lifting the strands and letting them fall gracefully back against her skin. She looked so serene and, in that moment, Raj thought he had never seen anything so… beautiful.

"Cinnamon, no!" Their reverie was broken as Raj yelled at his dog, jumped off the table, and ran towards the lake to stop her from what she was about to do.

 **AN: OK, that was a mean place to break it but my chapters are just too long. LOL Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter and playing my "where are you from?" game. I had reviewers from India, Canada, Greece, and the USA (Massachusetts, Colorado, Florida, and Washington State). I guess "It's A Small World After All"! That's a shout out to Nibbler747 and her story "The Kripke Conundrum". If you haven't read it yet, you should!**


	16. Chapter 16 -Saturday in the Park (Pt 3)

_"Cinnamon, no!"_

In the recent past, wind and weather had eroded the bank away from the roots of a thin sapling, allowing it to fall into the lake creating a bridge from the water's edge to a tiny patch of ground, almost too small to be called an island, about eight feet away. Leaves and twigs and other lake debris had tangled around the tree, widening its surface to create a connection just strong enough to carry an adventurous, diminutive Yorkie onto the desert island far out of the reach of her panicked owner.

"Cinnamon! Daddy's coming!" Raj tried to follow her but the moment he put any weight on the tree, it started to crack. There was no way he could get to her. He knelt at the base of the tree and attempted to cajole his dog back across the span onto the shore. Amy joined him in his efforts. Cinnamon barked and ran and jumped around on her small isle, but her teeny doggy brain could not detect the path that would lead her back to safety.

Raj frantically paced along the lake's edge, in an anxious parody of his dog's movements. "Oh, god! Oh, god! What are we going to do? How am I going to get her?"

"Rajesh! Calm down," Amy told him. "I've got an idea." Raj watched her as she went back to the bench, sat down, and removed her shoes and socks. Then she did something that he had never seen before. She stood up and leaned over, reached between her legs and grasped the back hem of her skirt. She drew it forward through her knees, then up to her waist, and tucked the hem tightly in her front waistband, effectively turning her skirt into a pair of shorts. Her clothing now safe from the water, Amy tentatively stepped into the lake, determined to rescue the little canine.

"Amy, be careful!" Raj declared nervously. "Don't fall!"

"I don't plan on it," Amy responded. She carefully placed one foot in front of the other, discerning safe passage along the lake's floor. Soon she was up to her mid-thighs in the murky water but thankfully that was as deep as it got before it became shallow again as she reached Cinnamon's location. Amy leaned over to pick her up and the tiny ball of fluff leapt into her arms, grateful for her deliverance.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, Amy! Thank you, thank you!" Raj gushed over and over as Amy meticulously made her way back to the lakeshore. As she neared him, Raj reached out for Amy's free hand to steady her and help her back on dry land. He then grabbed Cinnamon and clutched her to him, murmuring nonsensical words of comfort and relief to his little fur baby.

"Uh, Rajesh… I've got a little situation here," Amy muttered, looking down in dismay at her feet that were currently covered in slimy lake mud up to her ankles. "I can't put my shoes on like this. How can I clean up?"

"Oh! Umm… let me think," Raj thought for a moment. "All right… I've got a roll of paper towels in the trunk and a couple of bottles of water in the car. You hold Cinnamon. I'll be right back!" Raj hooked Cinnamon's leash back on her harness, handed the leash to Amy, and then took off at a jog for his car.

Raj rummaged around in his trunk for the paper towels and retrieved the bottles of water from the back seat, still shaken by his princess' misadventure. He gathered the supplies in his arms and jogged back toward the lake. As he rounded a curve in the path and drew closer to where he had left Amy and Cinnamon, he stopped short and stared at the vision before him.

Amy had made herself comfortable, awaiting Raj's return. She had slipped Cinnamon's leash onto one wrist, and sat on top of the picnic table, taking advantage of the warm mid-morning sun to dry her legs. She was leaned back a bit, supported by her arms, her head tilted back, eyes closed, with her legs stretched out in front of her, one bent up at the knee, her skirt still hiked up high.

Raj's breath quickened as he took in an eyeful of Amy. She had legs! Damn sexy legs! The thought of her legs had never occurred to him because she was always wearing dark tights and sensible shoes, with a modest length skirt. He had never thought of her legs any more than he did the guys'. But there they were, in all their sun-kissed glory, starting with dainty mud-spattered feet, arcing into shapely calves, and culminating in creamy white thighs exposed almost all the way to her hips.

Raj made a kind of strangled gulp noise that caught Amy's attention. She opened her eyes and exclaimed, "Oh, good! You found them." That roused him from his distraction and he brought the supplies over and set them down as Amy swung her feet off the table and onto the bench.

"OK. Let's see how we can do this," Raj took charge, focusing on the task at hand. "Stick out your foot." Amy did as she was told and Raj proceeded to rinse off the mud with one of the bottles of water. "Holy crap on a cracker, that's cold!" Amy exclaimed, borrowing a phrase from her bestie. "Sorry," Raj apologized. "We're almost finished. Now the other one." Raj opened the second bottle and doused her other foot, removing the last vestiges of mud. He set the half empty bottle down on the table, picked up the paper towels, and tore several from the roll. He took hold of one of Amy's ankles and started to quickly dry her foot and leg. Before long, Raj got a faraway look in his eyes and the firm rubbing morphed into a fascinated, slow caress.

Amy was grateful for Raj's ministrations, having never had someone take care of her in such a way. After a moment, she noticed that it was no longer the rough texture of the paper towel that she felt on her skin, but the velvety smoothness of Raj's palm, softly stealing its way up her calf to the inside of her knee. She had never been touched there before and the unaccustomed and unexpected sensation caused her to let loose with an involuntary "HOO!"

That snapped Raj back to reality and he hastily removed his hands from her leg. Although the entire encounter only lasted a couple of seconds, it left both of them a little flustered.

"Uh, umm, here," Raj stammered, as he thrust the paper towels into Amy's hands. "Uh, you finish up and get your shoes on. I'll take Cinnamon and throw away the empty bottles." Amy removed the leash from her wrist and handed it to Raj. "Oh, uh, OK. That'll work," Amy sputtered, as they both tried to regain their composure, valiantly ignoring what had just happened. Raj gathered the water bottles and walked Cinnamon to the nearest trash can. Amy dried her other foot, hopped off the table and put her skirt to rights, then sat down and started to put her shoes and socks back on.

Raj returned, trying to regain some normalcy. "Thank you so much, Amy, for rescuing Cinnamon. You really jumped into action. Where did you learn to do that… that thing… with your skirt?" he asked.

Thankful to be talking about something else, anything else, Amy replied as she was putting on her shoes. "I saw Ma Ingles do that once on an episode of 'Little House'. I always wondered if it would really work."

"Well, it did. Splendidly." Raj cleared his throat as Amy stood, ready to go. "Well, that was quite an adventure. Are you ready for some brunch?"

"Most definitely. Let's go," Amy agreed. They walked silently back to the car as both their thoughts raced regarding everything that had transpired on their Saturday morning walk in the park.

 **AN: I deeply apologize for taking so long to post this chapter. As we all know, real life can interfere with our fan fiction fun time. Hopefully, I'll be able to update more consistently. Thank you for your continued readership and reviews! :)**


	17. Chapter 17 - Brunch

**A/N: I am SOOOOOO sorry for leaving you guys hanging for so long. Life interrupts, you know. I'll explain later. See you at the end of the chapter. Enjoy!**

The drive from the park towards the restaurant started in uncomfortable silence. Raj kept his eyes glued to the road as Amy looked fixedly out her side window. The thoughts of both parties swirled through their heads.

"Oh, my god! I can't believe I felt up Amy's knee while I was washing her feet. She probably thinks I'm some kind of pervert. I'm so humiliated!"

"Oh, my god! I can't believe I got excited by Raj washing my feet. He probably thinks I'm some kind of pervert. I'm so humiliated!"

Not able to stand it any longer, Amy attempted to break the tension. "So, uhmm, why don't you tell me about where we're going for brunch?" she said brightly.

Raj visibly relaxed and let out the breath he'd been holding, giving thanks for something to talk about. "Uh, OK. It's called Recess Eatery, over on North Brand. They have an outdoor garden where you are allowed to bring your pets. 'Bring Fido' gave them a five dog bone review for being the most pet friendly restaurant in Glendale. I've wanted to try them for a while now."

"That sounds nice," Amy offered. They chatted a bit for the rest of the short drive to the restaurant. After they were seated, the waitress came to their table with a bowl of water and a dog treat for Cinnamon.

"Good morning! Welcome to Recess. My name is Tina and I'll be your server." She knelt and put down the water and treat for the little Yorkie and asked, "Who's this little princess? She's adorable."

"Her name is Cinnamon," Raj said proudly. "Thank you."

Tina stood and indicated their menus. "Please take a moment to make your selections. May I bring you a beverage while you decide?"

Amy thought for a moment. "I'll have orange juice." "Decaf coffee for me," Raj said. Tina smiled and walked away.

Amy looked over the menu. "This all looks so good but, dang, this place is kinda pricey."

"Don't you worry about that. Brunch is on me," Raj said as he glanced at her over the top of his menu.

"You don't have to do that," Amy protested.

"Nonsense," Raj insisted. "You're my guest. Order whatever you like."

"Well, okay," Amy replied, a little taken aback. "Thanks. That's really nice of you." Really nice, she thought. She was used to going Dutch all the time. Sheldon thought that the social convention of the male paying for things was outdated and ridiculous.

After their order arrived, Raj and Amy dove into their meals, both having worked up quite an appetite from their walk and adventure in the park.

"Wow, these potatoes are really good! I've never had rosemary fingerlings," Amy declared, taking another bite.

"I've made them before but it can be hard to find fingerling potatoes in the market sometimes," Raj told her, scooping up another forkful of his eggs benedict.

"You like to cook, don't you?" Amy asked.

"Yes, I do." He put his fork down and looked off in thought. "I think it's because I can find something special in something ordinary. It's very satisfying."

Amy choked and sputtered a bit as she laughed.

"What?" Raj asked curiously.

"Sorry," Amy apologized, as she wiped her mouth. "That's exactly how I feel when I find a tumor in one of my brain specimens." She folded her napkin as she let out another chuckle. "Not quite as appetizing, though."

XXXXXXXXXX

Cinnamon snoozed peacefully under the table as the humans continued their conversation over cups of coffee and tea.

Amy set down her cup. "Rajesh, I really want to thank you for helping me today. Saturday was going to be hard because I'm so used to spending it with Sheldon. You helped me through that. I'm sorry I haven't made more of an effort to be there for you. Tell me, how have things been going since you broke it off with Emily?"

Raj replied, "You know, they haven't been as bad as I expected because we didn't spend as much time together as you and Sheldon. Our schedules usually didn't mesh. Tomorrow morning is going to be hard for me, though."

"What's tomorrow morning?" Amy asked.

Raj sighed before he began. "No matter what shift she worked or what we were doing, she would always come to my apartment and stay with me Saturday night. We would sleep in and spend a leisurely Sunday in bed together." Raj looked down and started fiddling with his napkin. "I'm really going to miss that."

Amy thought for a moment, thinking of how she could help her friend. "Tell you what. Why don't I come get you and we can have breakfast together," she suggested.

Raj gave a short laugh. "Well, I appreciate the offer but a Grand Slam Platter from Denny's is a poor substitute for Sunday morning sex."

Amy looked down, blushing and uncomfortable. "Well, it's not like I would know."

Raj quickly apologized. "I'm sorry, Amy. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He hesitated before continuing. "There is something I've been wanting to ask you for a while now. You don't have to answer if it's too personal." Amy gave a short nod, indicating that it was OK to continue. "I know you didn't have sex with Sheldon but does that mean you've never had sex like, never, ever? Like, at all?"

"No, I haven't," Amy replied, her head down.

Raj couldn't understand. "Why?"

Amy's head popped up with a look of consternation on her face. "It's not like I had a whole lot of opportunities," she said defensively.

"But, surely you have had the opportunity at some time," he said.

Amy continued, "When I was younger, I didn't have offers to date. I never had a boyfriend. When I was in college, I never had time to even think about it. Once I started my professional life, I only dated to placate my mother and the guys that I dated wanted to sleep with me on the first day they saw me. I don't want to have a physical relationship with someone I don't know. Since I've been friends with Penny and Bernadette, they've offered to "hook me up" with somebody but even though I didn't have an intimate relationship with Sheldon, having a sexual encounter with someone else while I was with him would be cheating. Now that we're not together anymore, I don't want to just run out and have a meaningless booty call with some stranger in a bar. When I give myself to someone in that way, I want it to mean something and be part of a relationship, not just a physical experience."

Raj sighed, "Oh, that's so beautiful! I wish that more people felt that way about it. Sometimes sex feels so good while you're doing it, but then you feel so cheap afterwards. But I can't lie. It does feel great while you're doing it. I'm definitely going to miss Emily in that respect."

"I'm just going to die a virgin, I guess," Amy said dejectedly.

"Don't say that!" Raj exclaimed.

"I was with Sheldon for FIVE years and I could barely get him to kiss me! If I'm that unappealing, I don't have a shot at having a sexual relationship with anyone." Amy's shoulders drooped as she let out a soft sigh and looked away.

Raj forcefully told her, "Stop right there, Amy! You not having sex with Sheldon has nothing to do with you and nothing to do with your desirability as a woman. That is Sheldon's hang-up! He has got serious physical contact issues and serious intimacy issues. It has NOTHING to do with you! Don't make yourself think that you are not attractive or that you're not desirable because you are." He reached across the table and took her hand, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You ARE!"

"Thank you, Rajesh. I really needed to hear that," Amy said, tearing up a bit. "Sometimes I felt so rejected when I would ask for physical affection or talk about the possibility of an intimate relationship and Sheldon treated me like some kind of sex-crazed pervert for wanting such a thing."

Raj told her again, "Amy, that is SHELDON's hang-up. EVERYONE wants to be loved. EVERYONE wants to be touched and held and kissed. You have natural desires and Sheldon is the one with the problem. Not you!"

The atmosphere had gotten a little intense so Raj dropped Amy's hand and took a sip of his coffee before he continued. "And now that you're not restricted by Sheldon's weird rules and regulations, you can let yourself feel how you want to feel. You can accent your beauty. You can do things to make yourself feel more attractive, for you. Curl your hair, wear lip gloss, change your clothes. Anything to break outside the box that you're in, to help you feel better about yourself. Not to attract a man or impress anybody else, but to make yourself feel good about the desirable woman that you are. To put Amy first for a change. You deserve it."

No one had ever told Amy that she was worth putting herself first. It made her feel special and valued in a way she had never felt before. Reaching across the table, she gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Thank you for that, Rajesh. You don't know how much that means to me."

XXXXXXXXXX

As Raj drove Amy back to her apartment, she asked, "Are you sure you don't want to do something tomorrow? I don't want you to have a hard time."

"No. I really do appreciate the offer but I've got to learn to be by myself. And I can't do that without… you know …being by myself," Raj explained.

He parked the car in front of Amy's building and started to unbuckle. Amy stopped him. "You don't have to walk me up. Cinnamon's all snuggly in her car seat," she said, glancing in the backseat at Raj's sleeping beauty. "Thank you again for such a lovely day. I really appreciate you doing that for me. You've been such a good friend through all of this."

"No problem. Thank YOU. I had a wonderful time," Raj said. "And thank you SO MUCH for rescuing Cinnamon!"

"All in a day's work for Ma Ingles," Amy joked, as she got out of the car. She gave him a wave as he drove away. Amy walked up the stairs to her apartment with a smile on her face, musing over the events of their pleasant morning together.

 **A/N and PSA: I hope you enjoyed their brunch! I know I did. I humbly ask your forgiveness for the almost four month (ugh!) delay in posting a new chapter. One son went back to college, one started high school, I'm taking a graduate class, working full time, and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Here's the PSA part: do self-exams! Get to know your body so you will notice any changes. If you are over 40, get a mammogram! I am very fortunate. I found mine very early. It was very, very small, only 3mm. I had a lumpectomy and radiation but no chemotherapy. Thank you, God! Early detection is the cure! Take charge of your health and put yourself first. You deserve it!**

 **Shameless plug: If there are any Shamy fans still reading this, check out my new one-shot "The Post-Platonic Permutation Nocturnal Visitation". I think you'll like it. ;)**


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